


Not A Lady

by pritispuki



Category: AU - Fandom, Loki - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types, multifandom
Genre: Amora is a bitch, F/M, Jötunn Loki, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki-centric, Multi, OFC Feels, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Thor, Shapeshifting, Some Humor, Thor Feels, eva green as loki, loki as eva green, loki is turned into a girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-06-05 10:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6701593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pritispuki/pseuds/pritispuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when loki offends a sorceress amora by exposing the private details of their an affair,she pays him back by turning him into a girl.loki ends up on midgard and has to not only cope in this new body,but also learn the strange ways of humans.if that is not horrible on its own,thor goes on a quest of finding his little brother. the problem is that loki is now something else. some humor implied,also feels...tags to be added.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strange Girl

**Author's Note:**

> ok.wellsee.hope u like this.i mean,you wanted this.if not i am really,really sorry.also readers,pliz,for f sake - comment!i dunno how much thorki this will be ,it depends.and since i never did a thorki before ,um dont hate.  
> p.s.-keyboard is still messed up,as u can see

  
The nurse at the reception felt this heavy uneasiness. …

 

One, of their walk-in patients was horribly impatient. The tall, thin woman, and apparently a foreigner, that came an hour ago, and despite the an unmistakable fact that she had no an appointment with the doctor, she yelled, and caused a scene , demanding to be accepted immediately.   
Only when she was threatened with the arrival of the security, did she shut her mouth and take a seat. Although silent she remained passively aggressive, for her cold emerald eyes stayed locked on the nurse for the remainder of the hour. She rarely blinked, if she was blinking at all.   
  
She was either a junkie or a sociopath the nurse thought and did her best not to show her indisposition. Yet she could tell that this girl sensed it and thrilled in it.  
When the last patient left the doctor’s office, the nurse finally turned to the raven haired young woman.  
  
“Miss. Odinson, you are next.”  
  
Stiffly and as if holding back a great amount of force , she passed by the attending nurse.   
  
“I am not a Miss! You pathetic human!”  
………………………………………………………….  
The doors were closed and Loki found himself in an yet another white, rigid, bloodless surrounding. Truly, this was a torture room of some sort. Where the lack of colors manipulated with the mind of the victims. For further proof there were these instruments laid out to inflict pain. Sharp, metallic, and primitive. Bottles of poisons, even miniature daggers, it seemed. And he was instructed to wait here! Should he turn away and run…no? Absolutely not, he waited for an hour and he is most certainly not afraid of a Midgardian healer.  
  
“Good day.” the man who came into the room said.  
  
“Good day,”Loki replied.   
  
The Doctor saw how tense this young woman was. Also her clothes were those of a male. Overly large black denim jeans, shirt, and a black jacket. Sizes too large that dangled around her slim frame. Only the boots, were meant for a female gender. Which was the only reason why Loki had them on. The doctor concluded she could be either a lesbian or a homeless person. However her posture was regal and her clever eyes radiated with sharpness and intelligence. Either way, she was here for help.  
  
“So tell me what is the problem, Miss.”  
  
“No!”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“I am not a Miss nor am I a Mrs. and I would appreciate it if you humans would stop calling me as such.”  
  
“Alright....how would you like me to call you, then?”  
  
“Your highness.”  
  
The good doctor stared at her. Maybe it was some kind of a joke but no, the person before him, showed no hints of a smile or amusement whatsoever.  
He bit on his tongue and read the card; “Loki Odinson. That is an interesting name.”  
  
Loki nodded approvingly yet said nothing.  
  
“Ok. So… you have come to me for help, and i need to know what is the cause for that?”  
  
“For two days now, I have been continuously bleeding.  
  
“Oh, my, that sounds problematic. Can you show me where?“  
  
“No! I am here merely to be given a potion of or an enchanted ointment to mitigate the possible injury.”  
  
“Were you hurt?” He asked concerned that she may have been violated.  
  
“Not as I can recall.”  
  
“Then, what do you think has caused this bleeding?”  
  
“If I knew I would not be here, now would I?”  
  
The doctor scratched his head in frustration and confusment He hated difficult, and crazy persons he had to deal with every day. Plus he has already had a long day.  
  
“Look Miss. Odinson, I can't help you, unless you tell me all I must know to treat you.”  
  
The raven haired girl made a strange expression of disgust and disapprobation. Regardless, after some internal struggle her gaze has fallen, as if she was pointing at something  
“Well?“ He asked.  
  
“My…personal parts,” she said finally.  
  
“Oh, you mean you’re--”  
  
“Yes!” Loki cut him off.  
  
“Can you describe me the symptoms?”  
  
“Most certainly,” she said. “A few days before the bleeding itself, I have experienced nausea, stomach pains, felt weakened, and my diet has changed. I started desiring those artificial brownish blocks which are containing an extreme amount of sugar, cocoa, and--”  
  
“Chocolate?” He asked almost sure of what the problem was now.  
  
“Quite right.”  
  
“Are you telling me that you got your menstrual cycle?“  
  
Loki’s eyes were large like plates.  
  
“You, sir, can not possibly be serious!” She yelled indignantly. “I cannot have that!”  
  
“Why not? Were there any irregularities in your cycle before now?“  
The dark haired woman flushed. “This is actually my first one!”  
  
The doctor looked dumfounded for a moment. He had never heard a woman starting her cycle so late in life.  
  
“It can’t be possibly. I cannot not! How do I stop it!?”  
  
“Um, you can't. This a normal process almost every woman goes through and--.” Before the man in the white coat could end his sentence, Loki was already out the door, slamming it shut behind him..

 


	2. Unsuccessfully Blending In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok,if i dont get a positive reaction for this story ,i am deleting it...like,for real pipl

The young woman with the pitch black hair ,has roughly kicked the doors of her small apartement. an act of despair. It was 30 something square meters in general,and was mostly empty ,besides the table, a chair and something ,the owner called a bed.an extendable couch ,was the original term .After being thrown in this norns forsaken realm,and was mercilessly stripped of his an invaluable seider,loki was left with nothing,but to wander meaninglessly amongst those unworthy of him. why has she threw him in here?why midgard of all places?oh,her vengance was a bitter one!  
He in his infinite knowledge has spoke with them ,using words a human race did spoke ,some millennia ago,in the time ,when he was last on Midgard. Yet now,for the reasons unknown, those half-wits seemed bewildered..morons.he was suThe young woman with the pitch black hair, has roughly kicked the doors of her small apartment in an act of despair. It was 30 something square meters in general, and was mostly empty besides the table, chair, and something the owner called a bed. The traditional term is extendable couch. After being thrown in this Norns forsaken realm,and unmercilessly stripped of his an invaluable seider, Loki was left with nothing, but to wonder aimlessly amongst those unworthy of him. Why has she banished him in here and why Midgard of all places? Oh,her vengeance was a bitter one!  
  
He in his infinite knowledge spoke with the mortals, using the last known spoken dialect that he knew the human race spoke. Yet now, for the reasons unknown, those half-wits seemed bewildered..morons. He was surrounded by morons.  
  
“Is there an inn or a tavern, in which one may rent a room for the night or the longer period?” Loki has queried few of them. Their reactions varied from mocking him, or his fine armour to producing the animal like sounds.  
  
   
  
“Hey gurl. Whatcha talking about? Tavern?”  
  
“Are you a cosplayer?”  
  
“Ha ha she’s got a cape,ha-ha!”  
  
Loki clenched his fists, for every other person which he has met,was only unnerving him even more than the previous one. After a few uncountable hours, which he has spent on the streets his body, this uncomfortable new body, which his former lover has bestowed upon him was sending his mind a message that it can not take any more and that it requires a much-needed rest. So he surrendered to the impulses, not to mention the pain in his legs and feet and sat on the bench in the park, next to some old lady. His head ended in his hands, and he sighed deeply.  
  
“Oh,dear what is the matter?” Asked the old woman.  
  
Loki explaIned shortly, avoiding any details that could disturb this humble short-lived human. His story was focused on him being lost, and seeking a locality to stay. He of course mentioned that he is unable to pay for such a commodity.  
  
She was truly kind as she has told him to sell some of ‘her’ golden jewelry at the pawn shop down the road, and then instructed Loki to go and seek out her friend, who lived nearby, and who was presently interested in renting an apartment.  
  
Loki was more than grateful. For he has not seen the apartment just yet. It was, indeed a sorrowful moment to part ways with his valuable helmet, bracers, and signet ring and all other parts of his armor that followed. The cloak, the hood, and masterfully carved steel. The pawn shop owner was naturally delighted with such a pieces and offered Loki a bargain so offensive, that he had to accept it.  
  
The prince of Asgard, now practically a Midgardian himself, how disgraceful he now has to reside in squalor.   
  
However, with some savings upon his side, he should be able to provide for his pitiful self for a another 6 to 8 months. Blending in was not a want but a must,so he stepped into the first store where he has seen a sign ‘Men’s Clothes and Sale’. In his mind he was still a man, and no cheap sorcery shall ever change that.  
  
The shop girl eyed him strangely, yet he cared not. He got himself three pairs of black pants, two jackets, a few shirts, but the shoes were another problem. None of them were a fit for his small delicate feet. Thus, he has growled in his desperation, but the girl pointed at the women's department.  
  
Loki thanked her, but also felt his face reddening.  
  
He was stuck here, and all for what one minor mistake with an Asgardian sorceress. He underestimated the might of her seidr. He was not a fool however her actions against him were exceedingly exaggerated, Her initial goal was;, “The great and powerful Thor. The heir to the throne, Odin's beloved first born! Why else would anyone go through such extreme exaggerations but Thor!”  
  
“Hey, shut up already!”  
  
A tenant from the an apartment ,which was next to Loki’s yelled for the umteenth time that day. Loki was unconsciously pouring his anger out loud.  
  
   
  
“Norns, I would even prefer to be in Helheim, than in this moronic realm.

                                                   

 

 

 

 


	3. Amora /e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok,dunno why i am doing this story.wellsee where are you.sorry ill be using amora as the sorceress (this is not the first time i am using amber heard as amora-chek out my other fic,or videos on youtube).also thank u so muuuuuuuch for reading this mess,leaving kudos,and for a bookmark!
> 
> p.s.-sorry for the f"#$ up keyboard

Loki s disappearance was only noticed because his laughter and tricks did not follow thor in his steps,nor has his shadow walked through the vast Asgard s library. loki s disappearance was noticed after a whole week.Frigga was the one to call for him,yet none of the servants or maids could be of any help .the young prince was not in the castle. She has used her seidr to trace her son s one,but the only sensation she got in return was a fragile sign of life… yes,he was alive but nowhere in the reach…a pale consolation for a mother...the weeping queen was a dreadful sight for both the king and the older prince. The two men knew how do deal with the physical punches ,mostly the ones they have received in the battles,but women's tears…that was an area of mist and an enigmas…also,it did not sounded melodic .

„now,now ,my queen…as you felt,loki is alright. He shall return ,when he finds it fitting. You know very well that he is not called a mischief-maker for nothing…“

„oh ,shut up! How would you feel if thor is away…forsaken,alone in some norn s forgotten place…perhaps wounded or worse…!“

She was right…odin has found his match. There was no arguing with his wise and an insightful .wife…unfortunately, the worst burden has fallen on thor s shoulders … the rough discussions, which were usurping the palace and which have came from his parent s chambers , have placed a sense of a heavy guilt upon him.

Lady amora,a nymph with the silky hair of gold itself ,was carefully observing her beloved ,while concealing herself,from his view ,with the spell of an invisibility… thor did loved his younger brother...ha! Well ,serve them both right!the damned fools!

for, It was no secret that her feelings for her childhood s friend,and now the man before her , have developed into something more…sadly,her persuasions have brought her no true results… for Thor merely sought out cheap fun and easy maidens ,and not marriage .. out of the spite and nothing more ,she has seduced loki,only to make the thunderer see what he is missing…it would ,it could all go as planned ,if only loki had remained in the field of the discretion ...but the trickster s tongue was everything but silver... their little an affair has became a mockery of the court.

Namely,loki was considered to be an overly feminine,an perhaps secretly an ergi…and for her ,a beauty such as amora was, to sleep with that half-man…her reputation was destroyed…and after that ,odin would never considered to give a permission for her marriage with thor. an eventual marriage.. a very possible marriage .Thor did step away,for he was glad that his younger brother has finally found a woman to share the sheets with,and was already mentioning that the two of them should get engaged.the nerve!

There was only one way to solve this an unwanted complexity… getting rid of loki was a nice choice …and when was a better time,then when the powerful sorcerer was sleeping…and what was the better way, than to fettered his seidr…and just to touch up the whole an ordeal,to show him how it is like to be in a woman s skin.

\-----------------------------------------------

Two emeralds have followed the graceful and the tempting walk of the lady amora...and for centuries now,yet she was a butterfly and thor a much-desired flower…and loki…loki was but a weed.no butterfly shall land on a weed…oh,he was truly surprised when she has approached him,whispered sweet nothings into his ear and took him by the hand…

 

      

 

she was not the first woman,with which he has shared the bed ,despite the blasphemous rumors ,but she was the real, woman and not some an insecure maiden…he would have kept their sweet an encounter hidden from those parasites,but thor s friends,volastgg,hogun,sif and fandral,have saw when the two entered the room and when loki has left it …his messed up hair and torn clothes …and also that blush and a wide smile told them more than an enough.thus they forced the truth out of poor loki the next day...it was either that or the prolongation of him being called an ergi. and now he is called...a miss!

 

 


	4. Have What You Want

Loki s landlady was the personification of the horror itself.norns ,the quantities of the most tedious matters ,of which she wanted to talk about…were an endless. She would invite loki over for a tea,for he could not even smell that awful black liquid she called coffee,and she would go on and on for the next few hours about the novelties which had occurred in the building within the past 24 hours. Who slept with whom,who didn't sleep with anyone,who bought the newest furniture,who has lost their job…etc etc etc…  
loki would speak every 10 to 20 minutes and would merely responded with a short „ yes“ or „no“. Or ,at least ,he was trying to .

  
„why ,yes,mrs appletree,she is a whore.“

  
„no,mrs appletree i was unaware that that wench has slept with that married man.“

The old woman would only get an impression that this fine young lady was truly and  deeply interested in her gossips,although those weren't really gossips,but a good hearted sharing of an important information. This torture was not in vain, though .loki has learned from mrs appletree where are the most notable sightseeings in the town,the location of the library and the decisive part...the recipes. When loki first came, he was afraid to eat anything for most of the food these days came in packs and resembled the food of the middle ages in absolutely no area.

His days were normally being depleted in the profound contemplation and an examination of the midgardian mentality…and the magical box in which the small midgardians were being kept has proven itself to be a worthy tutor .the humans were a cruel creatures indeed...they used their human seidr to lock the others in this nefarious tv casket .he had to admit that now,after seeing the devious machine ,he has started to fancy this primitive race …and he has spent hours upon hours in watching mexican soap operas ….shall Esmeralda end up with julio,or will julio die from the overly spicy tortilla…it was quite stressful to wait until the next episode … namely ,loki could not grasp that this was not a real an event ,which he was seeing .at the end,tortilla was too spicy and hot…poor julio died and it shook Lori immensely…the man was not be blamed for loving a meager peasant girl .to calm his nerves down , he has switched his attention to the national geographic and the travel channels…

  
now that was more like it. in a month or so ,loki has mastered the Midgard's history,languages ,politics ,laws …in theory,of course…and finally felt ready to move around the humans… some things still were unanswered and bothered him…such as clothes…at the same time,all was welcomed ,accepted and all was declined and described as horrible for simply not being modern or fashionable enough. He sighed and decided to wear only shirts and pants…all black with the gentle touch of the green…green represented the seidr of the earth,the link between all existing creatures,which he as a siderer could control...previously .an another matter that has created some questions was - the make up. during the ceremonies of an enchantment ,he would wore numerous colors on his face,yes...however ,here ,everyone wore them .alright,mostly women.and he has found out that there was thin line between "smokey eyes" and the" racoon eyes".… the last ones were a major-no,no…

 

midgard was not a modest realm at all,it was only too complicated in it s idiocy .the fallen prince of asgard was trapped…the liberty ,which he sought for,he has found in the national library. undoubtedly it was nothing in the comparison to the one in the palace,but is shall suffice his want for the intellectualan salvation and an exploration …since he wanted to spend as less as possible ,loki resoluted to prepare his food at home…. on his own. However the only book which he understood about the gastronomy and the problematics of the local cuisine was …"cooking for the dummies "…since no one must witness him while reading that, he has nonchalantly placed the book under his leather jacket and started walking towards the library's doors…  
when the alarm went on,even the usual pale color was drained from his cheeks…and he turned towards the librarian.

„that is ok miss,just go ahead .the alarm goes on, on a daily basis. it happens all the time.“

The grin…midgard was simple after all…just do what you want and lie ...and you shall get what you want.

„i...thank you.farewell .“

  
......................................................

…two,one! And ...suspension!“

it was precisely 15 minutes and 25 seconds .loki counted to the very last second as he turned off the heating flame under the small cauldron where he was boiling an egg. It was his prime egg which was boiled to the perfection. Frying was only too dangerous .he has found out that the hard way…the kitchen has found out that the hard way…the ceiling has found out that the hard way…He positioned his, an oval masterpiece in the centre of the largest plate which he could find and has begun to simply marvel at it…

  
„splendid…i have triumphed …norns, this was a formidable task,yet i have brought it to a glorious an end .for this ,an exquisite product of a large domesticated bird, was tamed by my own two hands…perhaps i still do possess my seidr after all..“

He smelled it…wonderful...and cut it accurately in the middle…he would, of course be hungry after that one egg,but there were no instructions in any book which have said ,that one can eat an egg with the various groceries …such as …the bread…

Just when he was about to take the first bite…someone started slamming on his doors…  
What on midgard?

„open the doors loki! i know you are in there! Heimdall has notified me of your whereabouts.“

  
"Damn."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Plan A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey! if any1 is interested in my vids ,go here:https://www.youtube.com/user/pritispuki/videos
> 
> also i wanna know ,how do you imagine loki s and thor relationship.should this end up with...you know...nasty doings?

„loki!“  
a loud bang.

„loki!“  
bang.

 

his pesky brother was not the one to give up easily.even if he had to break the wall with his head. and ,mind you,that was not an idiom. more like an idiot.  
"if you do not open the gates,by the Asgard,i shall break them and enter forcefully!"

the girl had to conduct some useful action and quickly …no one can see him in this shape…what an utter disgrace would that be…not even thor.who has had his share in loki s fate,more or less...

what he required now was a male voice ,the one in which he was deficient …and the spell bounded miniature mifdgardians just might be of some an assistance.

He turned on the tv.there was a countdown of the most popular movie quotes.

 

!lok..“

„are you talking to me?“

„so ,you are in there! you admit it ! yes,loki i am talking to you! with whom else would i be ...?! “

„bond.james bond.“

a pause from the outside. thor was clearly taking his time to think. loki snickered to that. oh, how has he teased his older sibling on the basis of his intellect.

„ i don not know who this lord bond-son is loki.i have been seeking only for you .where were you all this time?mother and father were worried sick about you and i… i have missed you to a great an extent.“

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

Thor s face went down.

“that is not a nice thing to say!“

"I'll be back."

“wait!where are you going!?“

"To infinity… and beyond."

No!you must not go in there!not at the time present ,when i have found you! Sureal you do not intend to go to jotunheim?!“

"The cold never bothered me anyway."

„is shall break the doors now!“  
(„blast“).loki muttered to himslef.  
and just as he raised his vigorous hammer,the doors have opened .a young maiden with the largest green eyes,and the darkest hair stared at him with the most an annoyed expression ,which hwas somewhat ruining her loveliness .she reminded him of someone,but of whom?

„forgive me,fair lady.i am tho…!"

„get inside you big oaf!you ll get me banished from this place .“

 

Loki closed the doors behind them,and then locked all the five extra locks ,just for a good measure.

„my landlord , mrs appletree hates yelling.there was the raid last year ,and her previous tenant was a courtesan .she killed her pimp over some money . right there.where you are standing. That is his body shape drawn in white line.“

„oh,then i shan't be stepping all over it.lord pimp may have me deep respects.“

thor does not need to know what a pimp is.

„i am looking for my brother loki.are you his maid?“  
"No. "

loki crossed hands in front of him.his face was unreadable.

„oh,i am truly sorry,then you must be…“

„oh,for goodness sake.loki!“  
„where,where?“  
…………………………………………….  
Loki was not suppressing his emotions anymore …during the exceedingly lengthy monologue in which he has openly explained to his older brother about amora s plan ,this strange female midgardian illness called pms has caused him to shed tears,mewl,feel weak and fragile ,while at the same time his anger and tone rose and he was more powerful than ever. he could just beat thor up only for being there.the very sight of him,watching loki ..oh and the expression on thor s face was truly priceless…it only caused the younger prince s blood to boil.norns how he despised him...but at the same time he was glad that he have him here.his body yearned for soothing an embarce..and why did thor smelled so... right?pms,it must be…

while loki was pissing ,and after an initial shock ,thor came to his senses and all he could do was to gaze upon this an attractive woman yelling and flapping her hands all around . too much gesticulation caused her breasts to bounce and thor blushed . he was strongly confounded and uncomfortable ,for loki protested against wearing a bra .

his little brother was a woman now and,despite how unnatural that might be,he was still loki. it was only in thor s charming self to stand by him and to ...look somewhere else. not there.

true,this was something he would not expect from lady amora. How can a lady be so beautiful at the same time be so .. evil?she has punished loki for losing her chances of becoming a queen…until now ,she was pragmatically hiding loki from the gatekeeper s view …or perhaps her powers have gotten weaker?  
………………………………………………………………….  
„„my prince...“ ,

said Heimdall.

“i have found your brother,and as you have ordained me,i have informed no one.“

„where is he! Speak ,my friend!“

„he resides on midgard. You will be pleased to hear ,that he is well and unharmed.“

„aye,those are,indeed glad tidings !quickly, open the birfost,for i must see him and retrieve him back home.“

„of course ,my lord ,however…i must warn you . what you are about to see …it shall either disturb you very or…you shall deem it …to be an agreeable.“

„Heimdall,you speak in riddles…i do not comprehend nor have the time to elaborate their meanings with you.speak plainly ,man !“

„nothing ,your highness .forgive me and forget that i have said anything.“

thor shook his head.gatekeeper would always do this things to him.

philosophers,who would understand them? surely they do not understand themselves.

After the biforsed was closed again,heimdall smirked.  
……………………………….  
maybe thor needs to talk to with amora.that shall sort things out.

„you deluded oaf! Of course the wretched woman shall deny all of hers misdoings !i have had the pleasure of meeting the likes of her…they lie,manipulate to get what they want,and nothing shall stay in their way …“

„that does sound like you. Now i am certain that i am talking to my brother.“

thor s lips twitched upwards.he was actually enjoying loki s distress . loki puffed up at at that.

"this is not amusing!stop laughing! Stop it!“  
„hahahahaha! Pardon me,brother ,but has anyone told you that you make a beautiful woman.“

„that is preposterous! I am not…khmkhm… beautiful.“

Loki eyed himself in the mirror.his behind did look good in those pants…  
…………………………………………………..  
„the main subject here is to get even with amora . and how to achieve it“.  
loki continued.

“you said that no one,besides that snitch heimdall ,is aware that you are here,so…it must stay at that. Status quo…you are to bring me all the books upon the transformations and all the seider reducing spells…and i shall try undone what has been…done.“

„but ,brother! Mother s heart is broken .she misses you dearly !and father…well he only acts that he does not.but i know ,in his heart that..“

„blablablah…spare me!i am not returning up there, with these ....."(boobs). !

 

Thor eyed them. Nicely round and firm…no,look away,look away... for that is merely your beloved brother...with...no!think of jotunhime!think of jotunheim!

„they called me an ergi,now imagine what a mockery would i become ,if i arrive like this… absolutely not!“

Thor scratched his beard. It was sadly,true…loki had no real friends nor anyone who would stood by his side in those dark moments . if we do not count him.  
He nodded to himself.

„i am sorry,for you 're right ,loki. You do not deserve to be a target of any jests .not anymore.thus i shall respect your wishes,and shall return from asgard with all the books i can find.“

The girl breathed out,her voice was firm and was not uncovering the recent dread of thor s contemplation…

„very well.it has been agreed then.now if you'll excuse me,i must change my always ultra pad.“

„the what?“  
.........................................................  
Loki was in the bathroom for an exactly a minute and a half, and when he returned ,thor was munching on his lunch.his only lunch.

 

„did you just ate my egg?!“  
„um…forgive me…was that wrong of me ?“

 

 


	6. Of Course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys thank u for still reading this shit.

Of course the landlady,a woman with the 5 marriages behind her,5 dead husbands(of which some died under an unusual circumstances .the cause had been ,some suspected her coffee).she also has had numerous lovers,despite whom ,she was a real saint now ,a woman with a cat ,which loki considered to be his an ally and..a wig.the last bit she never mentioned, of course…but loki could tell that even with his eyes closed.

of course that , that woman has heard thor. The dead would hear his desperate calls…that blundering idiot.  
Now,there she was,short in stature and curious as always ,at the front doors.

„ah,Mrs Appletree ,to what i owe the pleasure ?and at this late hour.“

Loki had that sour smile plastered on,but it was not helping him right now.  
„yelling. there was someone yelling here.i heard a man calling your name. You,missy,i hope you don't have a man staying over .you know the rules..no men after midnight.we have had enough troubles as it was.only nice girls can rent the place!“

„oh,do not worry.that was merely my brother. he has travelled a long distance only to see me.“

„i though...you said , that you don't have any family left.“

  
„i…well,we are not in the most favourable relationships .if you can comprehend...and respect that.i do apologise for the noise,it shan't repeat,but now if you'll excuse me..“

The old lady has stretched her short neck ,so that she might peer over the doors…there was thor dressing up in the human pants …

 

 

loki did collect few items from a midgardian men s clothing departement,in a manner,that he ,kinda stuffed them into his,also a male bag. one never knows when one might need some of those ...or those…or that…he had to thoroughly inspect all the horridness which midgard was providing.and without paying for them.

„ooooooooo…now…he does not look like your brother,young lady!“

„well,he takes from our father and i ,from „my“ mother.“

  
But something did bit loki at that remarks,on the inside.even this old,half-blind bat has noticed that they do not have much in common .and why  was loki thus distinct ,like a black sheep amongst the other members of the royal family..all very masculine,all fair in an appearance…and he…thin,often ill,shy…and dark haired…

„i do hope that we have sorted out any misunderstandings.he shall be leaving tomorrow,i promise…now i really must retire…“

Mrs appaletree ,regardless of the interest which that muscular ,handsome beach boy has inflicted upon her ,was about to leave the siblings for now,until the early morning, when she would show up with the pie and deman…ask them to join her for a nice talk over a coffee…

Thor,of course had to ruin everything.  
He,in a literal manner ,screamed .it was a scream of an abomination and the trepidation.

  
„what is this forbidden dark magic?!loki! the tiny Midgardians are placed into this casket cell !i must free them!“

„no thor!no!not the hammer,not the hammer!“

  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………

  
Needless to say…thor …err loki had to sell thor s golden ring with the an inestimable stone and pay out the huge damage on the tv and the wall,and the floor…however,he was now banished from that apartment for an eternity. loki was grateful to amora ,that she has, at least , left him his strength…now thor walked behind him,partially embarrassed ... with the black eye…

They did not exchanged a word..thor wanted to.the golden heir to the throne was still not entirely sure what had just occurred,yet loki walked few steps in front of him ,with his nose up high.obviously he was dissatisfied about something.

  
„loki…“

„no!you are not to speak a word! A single word! It is because of you , why i have lost my shelter and am presently... homeless…where shall i go ,hm?!i do not hold enough of the midgard s valuable papers ,to seek out for an another apartment.and i can not go home…!“

„mm…loki…“

„i hate you thor! I hate you…oh,my aching heart…i feel so bloated and miserable…“

……………………………

  
Sometime that day, loki has told thor all about this horrible lethal illness of his…he has mentioned severe bleeding,and a high chance of dying within few hours…of course…the only remedy was a brown block or bars of something called chocolate..

  
„loki,please,do not die on me ! Ill do whatever it takes to save you from this an alien disease …just tell me what to do..!“

„oh, this is the end…i can see the bright gates of valhalla…oh…“

„loki, noooooooo!“

„there is but one cure,brother…“

„anything loki,anything!“

Yes ,there were tears in thor s eyes,and loki closed his to prevent himself from lol-ing.

„that small market store…go there and ask for a chocolate…here,i have already wrote you down ,so that you do not make a mistake.and the valuable papers are on the table..there.“

Thor grabbed the mentioned objects and was already at the doors…his red cape flying around him…

„oh,and thor…“

Lokis voice was so small and fragile.

„loki?“

„do not take the one with the marzipan .i hate those.take the one with nuts.“

  
…………………………………………………

Loki still has had some bars in his bag…he has let for thor to carry the rest of his luggage .it was his fault after all..

„um ,i still have some of those papers which we received after we traded my ring.“

Loki s health was momentarily improved ,as he jumped from the bench and appeared next to thor in a matter of mere seconds.

„how much?!“

thor reached out for his pouch and gave his sis..brother the scrolling.Loki's eyes we re running wild as he counted all the dollars.

„2 thousands..alright. this is what i am about to do. I shall register at the hotel across the street…you,on the other hand , are to arrive tomorrow, or the next day,if you can not manage before...but not later... with some golden coins which you are to trade in that pawn shop.and whatever that man offers you,ask for more…if he refuses..show him mjolinir.then go to the hotel,ask for me,and i shall come to collect this dollars. Do you follow?“

„uh-huh?“

„also bring the bloody books!“  
……………………………………………………………………………

  
Some months before the current events…and just after the courtiers started to profoundly elaborate about amorki (amora+ loki) ,and while the pitiable loki was hiding in his room…lady amora was pulling out the hair of her childhood s doll.she would not be pulling out hers own,for her looks were hers most prized possession.she went through and over ,a dozen books and tried to use the various spells against loki,but his own seidr protected him well…not to mention that his power was known even on the  midget realm ,nidavelir.she hated the midgets…er dwarfs…they were so cheap…she shan't buy any jewelry from them anymore…a letter was slipped under her doors and she immediately went to get it. One of hers spies,lovers,puppets,whatever had "an accidentally " overheard frigga and odin s quarrel…it seems that loki is not of Asgard but jotunheim!

„in the name of Valhalla!oh, this is too good to be true!“-she squeaked!

 

And as a bonus ,there was a spell to uncover his real appearance .it was beyond perfection.once, when everyone finds who and what that mother s boy is…her name could be cleared ,and she would be praised for an  uncovering the ugly monster.also she  would be there to comfort  poor ,betrayed thor…

she slipped into loki s room and chanted the chant …however something went wrong…Loki's body had changed, but not in a way one would expect…she has made an error ,and a horrible one…for she knew not that one can not outmatch Odin's might. in this case a glamour spell which made loki appear as an aesir. but his own protective sider was breaking and she took her chance and  sent him,  norns knows where.loki was still not a jotun,thus she would be accused of harming a true  asgardian prince.

 

The guard in front of his room smiled when he saw her.

 

„lady amora! some night.i presume that  your fiance is resting now?“

 

even someone as low as a guard made fun of them.

 

„of course.of course he is.“

 (shit)


	7. Work , Work ,Work...

 

 

 

 

„good day to you , Heimdall!“

Said thor,all jittery and ready to see loki.the very sight of his brother would give him these feelings…like butterflies in the stomach...and it was wonderful...he had a large sack full of books ,including a cookbook ,which he carried over his shoulder…well if loki likes to cook that much,why not? That egg he has created without his magic was... stupendous.

„same to you,prince thor.“

Thor didn't really paid any watchfulness to the grave seriousness in the gatekeeper s voice,but that was Heimdall for you ..all gravely serious ,and all the while.

„would you open the Bifrost for me…i shan't remain long in Midgard this time.only to take this to..“

"Prince thor,the biforst shan't be open today or any other day.“

„why not?is there something wrong with it?“  
„no.i am simply refusing to open it.“

„but,..but why?“

„i.am .on .a.strike!“

„a strike?“

„indeed. I work 27 hours a day ,50 days a week.the salary is …completly horrid .and i don't have a stool . my back is aching and you are presuming that i am only obligated to oblige your whims every time. Well,no more of it.i am a proud member od gatekeeper s union. And the manager of the union ,a wise elf called malekith has suggested that i stop acting like a victim.no more mobbing..my son is in a team..“

  
„i was unaware that you have a son,heimdall!“

„of course you were.since you never cared to ask .last weekend,my son was on a tournament. Swords…he has won in his category by cutting the other boy s ear off…and i was not there to watch him. I watched from here!it is just not the same!“

The older man sighed…

„so…either i get a raise and a stool ..or i get more free hours …and a stool…or i quit!“

„no…heimdall..you can to this, not now when my lo…when loki needs me…look,i am truly sorry.i was oblivious…but i shall definitively talk to father about your conditions…just please ..open the gates one more time…please…“

Thor was whining,and was on the edge of tears …he has never thought of Heimdall as a person who disliked his position.it wasa nice position after all…you get to watch the stars the whole day..every day for ever and ever…alright , that seems a bit dull.

„no!i put my foot down…and only because I have nowhere to put my behind.“

  
………………………………………………………………….  
"where is thor !? where is he ?!"

loki paced in circles, and was biting his long nails... it has been over 10 days since he has seen his brother...something terrible must have happened. or ,perhaps thor s brain could not process so much information and has finally ceased to work.

that was a logical conclusion...the second logical conclusion was that loki barely had had any money to stay in the hotel.he threw himself on the pile of silk pillows ,and then regretted that activity immediately...he was still an unused to the breasts... and they kinda hurt...when you jump on them...so he shrieked and covered himself with the blankets .if he is an unseen to this cruel world,then the world can not cause him anymore pain...oh,the breasts ...they were causing the pain even under all those layers of wool.

he was doomed... where was that blond fool with a beard... right now,he was not entirely himself,and so,he was not thinking clearly...did he missed thor more or the money...

 

the magical box ,and a pompously large one ,which was settled opposite of the bed ,in which loki had sought sanctuary . the Midgardian with a feigned smile was a sign from the norns themselves.:

"hey you ! yes you ! do you feel like you are doomed ,without money and have nowhere to go ? .well don't worry… i ll tell you where to go -go to our employment agency ! the best agency in town! we are your answer!"

  
„hmmmmm…..“

  
………………………………………………………………………………

  
The employment agency gave an impression of a civilised an ambient.minimalism in the decoration,one sad plant,gray walls and a considerate servant/maid/er...something female person.

  
„so miss... odinson,there are some things in our resume which …which you should explain ,because this,well…are you a comedian?“

„a what?a jester? are you the one making a jest of me ?all i have wrote down in your questionary is undoubtedly the truth!“

„like the fact that you are... 1800 years old?“

  
„1825. ,to be precise.“

 

„…and you are a member of a royal family?“

„indeed.“

„are you serious?“

„are you replying me with yet an another question?and i had hoped that this institution is of the highest rank,as one of your representatives has represented you. now i am beginning to question the verity of those claims.“

„ok…moving on…what can you do?what are your qualifications?“

  
„well…i am profound in an interstellar diplomacy and multidimensional history…which means,plainly in the history ,culture and traditions of more than 8 realms and their residents…also i am a skilled in throwing daggers,riding horses and the performance of high magic.“

„miss odinson,have you been drinking before this meeting?“

„if you think of any alcohol,no i have not.“

"see.. i don't think that we can be of any service to you. Since you are so special.“

„of course i am.and you are the first person to notice this. Thus,thank you.however , i am a bit deperate and i would take anything you might connote .“

„ok,i m suggesting ,if you are really so desperate and you do need money and fast...that you go on that corner and wait until someone offers you some money,ok?“

„that is all i need to do?to stand there?“  
„mhmmm…“

she was still smiling,yet the look on her face was the one of a person beyond reason. loki pitied her.

„interesting.i shall try .thank you once more.“

„bye-bye then! good luck.“

"freaky crazy person.i feel pity for her."

  
Her colleague has heard it all :”do you know what you just did?”

  
“she won't do it.or…will she?

…………………………………

However strange it may sound,but loki has seen some girls counting those valuable papers on that very corner.they were all more undressed than dressed .all of their attributes were overly displayed like grapes on a platter ..or that one had watermelons …this women have never read those prestige fancy magazines obviously… they did reminded him of those women from the music videos... was this positive or a negative trait,he could not tell...midgard was barbaric and an uncultured.there were no real rules here... he had to improvise...

"yo…you are the new one here,ha?!“

" i beg your pardon?“

„you are here to work,right?“

„why,yes.it is my first time…“

The women shared the looks among themselves and laughed like hyenas…

"oh,it is your first time…how cute! are you working for someone or alone?“

"i…um..well i am alone…“

„ok,i ll make it easier for you ,honey…you go around that corner,coz this one is mine and i aint sharing it with no one .but us guurls ,we gotta stick together. so you go there and wait until someone pulls over. And since it is your first time ,you can charge more…but then you will have to put out more…get it?"

Loki couldn't really perceive what the faintly dressed peasant wench was talking about ,but he has tried to appear more knowledgeable in the midagrdain street talk than he was.

„yes,yes i do. i get...it.“

„alright,hon.have fun…we well talk tomorrow…if you don't get yourself killed nyahahaha.“

what an awful sound that was...

„thank you. Er…ny hahahahahaha“.


	8. Where There Is A Will ,There Is A Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i am having such a hard time right now,so this is short.i apologise...thank you for reading...i have put some of your wishes into this chapter,and plizz tell me what u wanna see later on...

amora had a servant intended for the combing of her long,long locks...she demanded upon hundred of strokes with a comb through every single curl.

"87,88,89..."

counted the tired servant.  
"if you pull out only one single hair,I'll pull your entire head out!"

"yes,mistress..."

without a warning a guard has entered her private chambers and announced:"queen frigga!"

amora went gray ,as the vision of the golden queen filled the room.

"leave us!"

the maid and the guard have vanished as if they were erased with magic.

the enchantress was still indecently sitting,but she did bow her head.

"do not even try to get up. i shall be brief!"

"your highness?"

"if i do find out that you had something to do with loki s disappearance...mark my words...the servant girl s head would not be the one  decorating the pedestal in front of the palace. yours will !"

  
…………………………………………………….

 

Those two sparkly emerald orbs were intently taking mental remarks of how this job was suppose to work . he has not found it to be that onerous.in general,the metal carriage on wheels would stop next to one or more of this women,a man from the inside of the artificial beast would offer them a certain amount of the midgardian money ,and then he would take her or them „for a ride". in the conclusion , one gets to see the town sights and,at the same time, earns the salary by mostly doing positively - nothing. Since it was midgard, he was not an overly surprised. So much absurdities were a trademark of this young realm.  
He moved closer to one of those girls and attempted to absorb some of hers negotiating skills.

  
The man asked for the price and she replied:“ok, so the usual is 100,hj is 20,bj is 50,from behind is 200,BDSM is another 50 ,roleplay is an another extra 20 ...golden showers, i don't do,unless you can cash up a bonus 200,.."

she continued to list those strange terms which ,loki left loki speechless…hj,bj…those should be  an abbreviations or an indirect expressions substituted for those considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or an embarrassing. if it was so...of what?

A metal carriage stopped in front of him.one could judge poorly over it s external appearance..it has seen better days…the window went down and an unattractive man showed his half bald head.

:“wanna take a ride ?“

„it depends. how much can you financially provide?“

"huh?oh ,you mean money…well i have 20 bucks.is that enough?“  
From what loki has seen some minutes prior , it was not. Women would impolitely refuse the drivers even for the entire 50.he has only begun,yet he was learning quickly.a mental pat on his own shoulders.

"no,it is not.a 100 ...would be required.“

Man s face changed into something awful and he returned to his seat:“fuck you , whore!“  
he has also made an uncommon sign and raised a fist with the middle finger which was standing up.

And just like that he drove away.

Loki s brow went high…

“fuck you?“

on Midgard he could hear the usage of the" fuck " in all sorts of sentences..and meanings…from the classical sexual act,to the epithet which was connected to something incredibly desired ...and all the way to something or someone which or who was less than desired .now this term was used in the vulgar attempt of putting him to an inferior position,and loki didn't like it,not one bit.

  
Minutes were passing by,then they formed into hours...but no one was about to collect him.did he do something wrong?when he had only repeated what he had seen…maybe the cause were the clothes that he wore...he was wearing an achromatic colors and ...well clothes...those women , they had merely few things to cover them up ...no,take that back...some were not covering anything up ...he sighed deeply and was about to leave the scene …ashamed…and devastated…no thor,no money,no warm room..how was indeed a pathetic shadow of a man , he used to be.patience loki,patience…it is a virtue,is it not?for you are a prince.now, act like one!

Finally,a carriage stopped.and this one ,from what he could recall ,from a car magazine ,was a timeless wonder,a Ferrari.the man inside wore an expensive suit and his hair and beard were trimmed by a professional,it seems.

"hey,you are new,right?“

„yes,so what of it? I assure you sir ,that i am as hard-working as anyone else here. even more so !"

He grinned wolfishly..

“oh ,i like that. hop in.“

„we did not negotiated over the price."

„what do you say for a 1000?does that sound nice?“

  
Loki felt his luck changing. have the norns recognized the fierceness of his will and decided to lastly award him? All he needs to do ,is to drive for a while and he would get paid.

„so what's your name,peaches?“

„loki.“

„hey ,cool name ,although i can't image to be your real one.i am tony by the way…“

„it is a pleasure.“

„oh,the pleasure is all mine,green eyes!"

 

 

 


	9. Fruitful Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is partially based on this vid:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT2NoVcvHCE
> 
> also is anyone watching eurovision today lol?

The megalomanic tower ,which seemed to disappear among the clouds ,was owned by this midgardian midget. Loki remained apparently an emotionless,yet inside he was screaming.oh ,he should have asked for more than a meager 1000 dollars!norns only know ,how much this rich peasant is worth.

  
„welcome to my crib, ice queen!“

  
He spread his hands and twirled on his heels adding some theatrics to the sight of his an imposing apartment. However loki was still pissed and, plus ,in his humble opinion, the place was lacking of almost everything.there was one only piece of every imaginable and unimaginable furniture …one stool,one couch ,one table,one humongous magic casket …and one large bar . no doubt,it was a classical bachelor's apartment.tony was already behind his beloved bar,and was searching for the glasses.the cheapest ones. I mean,this is a whore,we are talking about.

  
"can i offer you something? Like champagne,sake,tequila,coffee… although, you do strike me more like an ice tea type. am i right?“

"that does sound lovely.thank you.“

Of course Loki had to smell the liquid first.there were no real traces of poison in it ,besides the usual chemicals they put ino those stuff…regardlessly, he was tired and thirsty ,and so he did took a gulp.

When he lowered the glass,he could see that the tiny human was right in front of him,gazing strangely with those large chocolate eyes…oh ,chocolate…loki licked his lips at that thought ..but that only dared the older,so much shorter man (which was the main prehension in loki s mind) ,to do the same…

"so,um…how are we gonna do this,you tall thing,you?“

Anthony stark was a cheeky fellow,and without any true manners included in his...small package.

This was an odd position,truth be told.loki had to use his reasoning assessed according to the strict principles …pure and simple logic.since his payment depended upon his an ability to perform ,whatever he should be performing , he must not,under any circumstances ,display his ignorance nor can he let himself appear disrespectful towards his customer in any way.… pity.

„well,i would like that amount upon which we had agreed.“

       

 

„in front, ha?well…ok…dunno why ,but i like that…hard-to- get-bitchy-no-one-loves-me-look ,on which you are playin .it is refreshing after all those slutty i-have-aids-and-you-will-get-one-too kind of a girls .“

what ,in the name of nine ,was this hobbit talking about?

Tony took out the pinpoint sum from the pocket in his jacket and handed it over to loki,who took it and put it in his own jacket's ¨pocket.

The distance between them was now gone as tony was almost glued to the strange escort girl.

„so…now…how would you make a guy , who has had a rough, boring day at the office , relax?“

  
Loki bit back a laugh .it was quite uncomplicated,his task,now was it not ?almost one might say,vulgar.those women were being asked for an advice, of how to improve the purposeless existences of their clients.and that was that.

midgardians are always in a need of an answers ,yet they stubbornly are not making an effort to use their own gray cells.they want someone else to think for them...idiotic midgardians...how easy it would be...to rule them.now that was a thought.

now back to the inquiry- what a better way to relax than to take a nice bath .it always worked for the an asgardain prince. A warm healing water from asgardian rivers ,essential oils from alfheim and a mesmerizing perfume prepared by eir …would have awaited for him after such an occasions.

„may i suggest a bath?“

„oh,i knew i would like you for some reason,snow white. we think the same way ! yeah ,sure ,why not? i ll just put some water in there and…“

"well ,while you are at it,may i finish my drink?“

„um…ok.“  
…………………………………………………..

It was getting quite uncomfortable to sit barely few meters from the bathroom, while the wealthy dwarf was singing „o, sole mio“.what was loki suppose to do at the time being ?  
The answer came sooner than he hoped it would:„hey?are you still there,princess ?whatcha doing?come here,join me!“

Was this a procedure?was this customary?  
Tony was already in the bath,with an another glass in his hand. bubbles and soap were hiding the evident.

„hey ,hi!i was starting to think that you left …urgh,i am so stiffffff…could you give me a massage?"

„um….alright.i guess.“

Loki s long fingers slowly moved along tony s neck and shoulders ...up and down….up and down…he was not particularly skilled in this area,and the face of the smaller man merely proved it. Tony moaned,or more like - wailed.

„hey!aaa!damn girl!you have a strong grip there!“

"thank you.“

loki was indeed proud of his manly side.the last part of his former self.

„i would guess you to be a man,sheeshh…do you parents know that you have boobs now ?“  
„no.“  
and while tony did ,what tony does the worst -he was throwing bad jokes,loki ,under the burden of tiredness,nostalgia,sorrow,has let himself being caught in his lies .

Tony turned..  
“wowow,now…slow down now..are you…do you...i mean,are you really...?"

  
Please, don't let this one be a man too.this would be the fourth time this week!  
since pep slammed the doors in his face,under the accusations that he is a cold-hearted,good for nothing (but robots n stuff),egocentric,lazy,drunk,hardheaded son of a #$%% ,tony has turned to his only friends...robots n stuff,and alcohol.and he did the opposite of what Al told him to do,like to apologize to pepper,he went on , and was picking up whores.ok,so they were,for some reason all cold ,smart ,ambitious (and it had absolutely nothing to do with pep,who was ,by chance-cold,smart,ambitious ),if we don't count those few guys .hey!they.did.look.like.girls!  
loki just made an error and now he had to redirect the conversation.

  
"what i intended to say is...that,well i do not speak with my parents anymore.they are not overly interested in my whereabouts or my wellbeing. actually ,my father was always ashamed of me."

tony brows furrowed at that...  
"yeah,you know..my old man,was the same.he ,kinda decided to avoid me since the day one. he was a lousy dad,and i hated him...fuck i hate him still…and …i miss him."

"i am sorry to hear that. "

and like that,an unexpected link was made between these two most unlikely characters...they shared many similarities ,they understood the other one s turmoils and the feeling of being forsaken. when one is alone among the many….also,they appreciated a good sarcasm.tony had forgot when was the last time that he could pour out his life s story to someone,besides his amigo, Al...and he had forgot to have sex.yup.really.

when loki was at the doors,tony called out:"you are not or were not really a man,right?right?!"

loki only leered:"oh,wouldn't you like to know."  
…………………………………………..

his first day at work was surprisingly,even astonishingly, a satisfying one. he had to admit to himself,he was afraid of the labor.he's royal ,his hands are naturally soft and smooth. that would be such a waste !working!? norns forbid!so,anyway,the path to the hotel led him to the street, where the prostitutes were counting their daily catch .  
the one,with whom he has been talking to earlier upon this fruitful day ,has waved at him :" yo,you go girl! you are now one of us now! a real ho !"

"WHAT!"?


	10. The Quotation Marks

the numerous lightnings ,the growling thunders , the crystal rain and the colourful rainbow ray have created an extravagant special effects above the city .it was an unerring an announcement of the arrival of thor,the one and only.ta-daaa !

loki only growled at that.

...and there he was, on hotel s balcony,and instead of entering the room like a normal person ,he would hit the wretched glass doors ,every single time.

"ouch!meeey nouuuusee!"

loki only eye rolled and rolled his own self onto the other side of the bed,trying to cover his tears of the utmost disappointment and an embarrassment ...oh ,how low he has fallen...a ho!?!  
well,he ( would)never... back on asgard ,there were strict rules when it came...hm..."came"...to the courtesans...not only that they were hand picked by their future mentors,but they were also applying for the very prestigious position ("position"). it would ensure them,of course the wealth,a respectable title ,of an expensive whore. an additional benefit is that,that many have found their husbands that way.those maidens and women were well educated ,possessed an impeccable manners (outside the bedroom) ,and they resembled nothing like those..those...urgh! and now loki was one of them!

 

 

"brother!it is i!my apologies for such a delay,for the wise Heimdall could not open the bifrost. "

loki was still in a fetal position,letting his ass to face thor ..

"mmmhmmm...right...and ,pray tell,why could he not open the bloody ray?"

"he was on a strike."  
"typical."  
"you give them a sword and horns ,and they all want a chair or something related!"

the dark haired prince was mumbling into his pillow.

"peasants!"

when loki was upset about something, he would speak/look down at the people. thor only realized that he just might be the cause for this distress, so he conceived to change the subject.merry thoughts!

"look,loki,i have brought you all that was requested!and also,some delicious Asgardian fruit."

that shook the other one a bit ,and forced him to crawl out from under the blankets..

"is it the yield from the idunn tree?"

"no.it is only a mushroom from the grape tree...i...oh,loki have you been crying?!"

 

"noooooo"!"

 

 

 

 

"you must tell me, dearest brother! what is troubling you so? is it the..midgardian sickness again?"

"no!i said to myself that i shan't have that one -ever again!"

he was ovulating right now...no wonder, why he was so sensitive and an emotional...he hated everyone ,everything and every..every whatever.he just hated it all...even this stupid comfy blanky...and that reckless fool...with those big blue heedful eyes,and those large strong.....urgh...arms!arms! norns,loki...what is happening to him...every day his mood is drastically, an abruptly changing...his solitude is now making him weary .and the way he started to look at the members..."members " ,of the stronger gender...it was all so...wrong,yet so...right...that horrible job, opened his eyes...like he was supposed to be an ergi...nay! what if..he starts to gaze at his brother in the same way?!

thor didn't have those problems,that an infernal/ internal self-questioning .oh,no.it was all so very easily...he could not sleep,eat or "do" the ladies from the court ,without even thinking of loki...before, he liked to hug,hit,and play with his brother...but now,he wants to hug,kiss and ..."play " with his brother...and solely the sight of his loki,was breaking his heart.so...he sat next to his butt.

"loki,please...you are frightening me !you of all men..wome...err ...of all people are aware,how i am unaware of how to act in this situations ...for i am not..."

"what thor? what? a genius?"

"?"

a woman?!"

"yes...i mean no...i am but a warrior ...so..."  
thor shrugged...asgardian men truly knew not what do do when they would see their ladies in tears. they would usually ran away.

"typical..you are all the same!"

oh,no he did not just said that!loki covered his mouth instantly .did thor heard this nonsense?

but the larger man.. person smiled and laid  down next to him.loki even had that feminine smell..

"brother?"

"grrrrr..."

"brother?"

"what?!"

"are you interested in the newness about our parents?"

"grrrrrrr...no....yes."

"well... mother and father were suspecting something ,so i ...i told them the "not an entire truth" about you.i have merely informed them ,that you are well,and shall return when you feel like it."

"you...you lied?and to them?perhaps, i have underestimated you. well done... there is still some hope for you yet."

the girl was slightly smiling and was now looking right at the deep well of those baby blues. unintentionally ...of course.

"for you loki...i would."

loki broke the eye contact and returned to his pouting position.

" does that bag of yours contain the books i had requested ?"

"eir has told me that those are the most powerful ones .actually the only ones which she could manage to find in our library ."

loki s lips tightened.

"i am not a fool,as you claim me to be,loki.these should,well,work.and i have told her not to ask me any questions,for i am ...will be...king."

"i care not,just give me the darn bag!"

as loki searched for the desired books ,thor went completely silent. maybe this is the last time loki would be like this.maybe tomorrow ,it shall be forbidden for him to feel the way he is ,indeed, feeling.. for how can a future king be and ergi...and attracted to his sibling, nevertheless...Heimdall has repaired the bifrost some days ago,but thor just didn't wanted to bring those books...he was prolonging the unavoidable ...

he instinctively reached out for loki in a fear of losing the one he loves and quickly snuggled next to him.

"what are you doing,you utter buffoon?!"

"i just recalled the times when we were but boys,and when i was sneaking into your bed and protecting you from the lightnings ."

"yes,well...later on, i have found out that you were the one causing them.you did it on purpose !"

it was quite true,but not to make a fool out of loki-namely thor just wanted to be with him...and this was great an excuse to achieve that.

"would you mind, if we stay like this for a while?"

"yes!yes! i would!"

"uh,forgive me..loki..i.."

"where do you think , you are going?!put that hand back in here.and...oh just ... shut up!"

thor chuckled at that.it was so like loki to be moody...but in the end,he would seek for his big brother s company...they were like the sun and the moon...one could not exist without the other... this was a moment that should last forever ...

"i hate you thor!"

yelled the dark haired one.so much for the moment.

but it didnt matter ,this was all so nice.

"i know .i know you do brother.loki?"

"you do know that....that ...i love you?"

"fuck you, thor!...yes... i do."


	11. Where Is Loki ?

"jar!...jaaaaaaaaaaarviiiiiiiiiissss!"

"yes ,sir? do you require me to order for an another bottle of the "crystal" or the pizza from that junk food place around the corner?"

" still sassy, jarv?that attitude of yours ain't helping.remind me ,how did you get to be so annoying?"

"if i must, sir.when miss potts has left you a note of hers permanent leave ,you ,understandingly felt pity for yourself and needed someone to talk to.someone who appears enough human-like.this is how you,in you an infinite wisdom have inducted certain improvements into my program,for which i am truly grateful ."

"i would not call them an improvements,more like errors.was i drunk at the time?"

"would you like a honest answer sir?"

  
"err..scratch that.....but if you keep this up,i will make you sing "cant touch this" every time ,when someone calls for you."

"sir,you wouldn't !"

"just keep buggin and..hey! call banner ! i haven't heard from him in,like months!"

"dr banner has put you on an ignore list .both on his twitter,fb,email ,Instagram,tumblr...and has forbidden any calls from any of your phones."

"i dont understand,why would he do this?"

"since you were beyond pathetic , you kept calling him around 289 times a day...and night.i believe that dr. banner needs some peace and tranquility. and ,i am sorry to say ,but with you,he usually gets the opposite."

  
tony pouts.  
"you are not really sorry."

"no ,sir.i am not."

  
the inventor made a face as if he was chewing on a sour pickle .jarvis was right...he was a douche bag and all of his friends were avoiding him...so he spent the most of his time doing nothing but getting to know new people ,those who didn't really care about him,nor he cared about them...he partied like an animal,but would wake up feeling like an old man ...sad.. .that one day he made a turn at the strip club and found himself at the slut s corner.and that day he meet a girl named loki.and he liked loki...well,fuck...he should search for her .

"sir...i am reading some strange interferences in the stratosphere over the city area. it appears that the weather is changing extremely fast...the today s forecast ,which predicted a sunny warm day is invalid,for there is a high possibility of rain in the combination with thunders and...a rainbow...what is the most unusual of all is a is a violently rotating column of air similar to the twister.and it is appearing right in the mini area of the city center ."

"mhm..right..."

"sir,did you hear what i just said?"

"yeah...you mentioned that i should watch some movies,like the "twister" and that i should take a walk in the centar. you also said that the mini mouse would be there."

"sir,you are insufferable,i think i should put you on an ignore ."

"jarvis!"  
-  
"jarv?"  
...................

.............................................................  
amora...well,let us be fair ...everyone has seen that thor was spending way too much time outside the asgard...the rumours has it ,that he has found himself a brave vanir lady...

she broke the goblet with her bare hand...he should be here,especially when lokis is gone...and she was right-minded...she has left him his strength so that he might defend himself,so her conscious was at peace...but what if...if thor has found loki?and what if thor knew that she had her part in this?maybe she should pay a visit that dirty realm just to be sure ,ey?  
..................................

some days after ....

loki had a nice day today ..those books still didn't provide him with the spell which would make an adjustments in his body ,but he restored some of his basic seidr ...like ,he could make things to move around on their own,and still while being controlled by his will...so no more cleaning or cooking .he also regained the ability of the levitation and he could,at least teleport from room to room.it was some process..today he went to the open market,to buy some fresh vegetables for the meal which he was about to make with the sider only...but he shan't mention to anyone ,that he will cook it the old fashion midgardian way..no seidr allowed .an onion soup.thor hates onions but he will eat it anyway...hehehhehe...it is strange how thor proved himself to be useful,thus loki wanted to do something special for the occasion .like a soup with only too much onion.and garlic.

as he strolled around the stands and searched for the smelliest mentioned edible bulb,someone poked him from the behind.

"hello long legs!how is my favorite diva?"

  
it was that pigmy hobbit.  
"uh,hello mr. frod...mr stark."

yes thor and loki watched that 12 hours long documentary called "lord of the rings" ...all has been shown wrongly.maybe loki was still under the impression of the same.luckily ,tony was being occupied with the eyeing of his ankles .well,like he could reach anything higher,loki thought.

"i accidentally saw you catwalking here ...stretching those fine legs of yours and i just had to say hi,and protect you from all those hungry eyes."

"i beg your pardon?"

"oh,no...like you dont realize that you look like a freaking model."

(a model ?of what?)

"so, no work today or...?"

loki coughed and cleared his throat:"mr. stark.."

"tony!"

"anthony.."  
"tony!"

"alright...mr .tony...there was some confusion in the past ,which i would like to clarify .you see...i believe that you perceive me as a person who engages herself in the sexual activity for payment. while i thought that the very position involves activities of an another nature."

"such as?"

"talking."

"oh cmon ! dont try to bs me...i heard that shit too many times already...oh i don't remember..."

loki had that offended- for- the -centuries -to -come face . he shoved a bag of an onions into tony hands,and elegantly turned away...

"wait,wait,elsa...ok,ok...sorry...um...if you say,that you are a nice decent chatolic girl next door...then ok...i respect that.hey,others say that i am a slut myslef,but i know that i am only an altruistic. a giver...get it?! "

  
loki was unimpressed ,and tony knew that he was on the wrong teritory .this one was crazy as mr poatato head and sponge bob alltogether,but fuck it...so was he .and after the whole fiasco with the overly stabile pep,maybe what he needs now is an amnesic crazy prostitute? it sounds worse than it is.

"wanna join me in that cafe over there?i would really like to ...talk...some more."

"you would?without any insinuating provocations or..."

"i ll keep my hands where they belong...under the table."

the allusions which were brought by that made tony add some an explanation .

"um...i ll behave...pinky finger swea!"

"alright,however you shall pay for the drinks."

................................................

loki was supposed to be here , at approximately 10 to 12...but now it was 20 after 12.and thor ,who was staying with loki for a few days ,was now biting his nails...where is he?has something happened?was he hit by the metal carriage..or worse? eaten by the bilgesnipe ?he dressed accordingly to the midgardian standards and ran to the streets.he would stop every third person and demanded for an answer of where his brother is .

his victims would just stare at the lunatic and shook their heads...

"where is loki?"

"what da fuck is loki?"

midgardians didn't know each other...what a lonely disintegrated world. they mostly spoke with themselves as they pretended to talk into small boxes...what a strange realm.thor didn't like it.now he was on his own..and he had to rely upon his survival instincts...so he laid on the asphalt and tried to distinct the scents of loki s snickers....it smelled of faeces ,produced by the small furry mammals ...he could not even orientate himself by the sounds,for the noise...it was so horridly loud...but there was one trace,which could lead him to loki..loki said:i am going to the market to buy some vegetables.it is across the street."  
thor stopped and elderly couple:

"you, tiny old humans!where is the market with the vegetables?"

the man and his wife were shaking and the man stuttered in fear...  
"a...a...a..across the stre...eet."

"and where is that!?"

"across the street.there!"

"oh!...welll thank you so much for you kindness. i shall not forget it..i bid you farewell."

now he was shining again,and those two decided to avoid this part of the town.for good.

" did you hear that mildred? this bully is not going to forget us!"  
"oh,henry!"  
......................................................

the market was somewhat like the one on asgard...except it was not..so much funny things to see...toys that talk...toys only for women...toys only for men...toys for women and men that talk... melting ice in colours, on a stick...street dancers and troubadours...some boy spinning on his head...some guy named elvis presely...and another guy named elvis presly...oh and the sixth guy with the same name...all dressed in their pjs...maybe they were brothers?

he has almost forgot what made him come here,when he saw loki and a male of the same sex (as thor) at the tavern...laughing,smiling...loki was smiling !and with a man?!  
gasps!

 


	12. Warriors And A Maiden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your kudos and comments...i ll continue to write ,unless something shitty happens...

anthony stark ,billionaire ,playboy something- something extraordinaire...a man among men...had to raise his gaze and take off those silly blue glasses so that he could look properly at the blond giant ,who was breathing heavily . he was like a raging bull.those nostrils fluttering ,thunders flashing in his eyes...someone had a bad day...tony took the table napkin and wrote down his name and then he gave it to thor...:"There you go ,sport...autograph on me!"

the giant bewilderedly stared at the paper ,and squinted his eyes.

"i can not read this."

of course he could not,not many Asgardians were literate enough to decipher the modern miadgardian letters.

"of course you cant. that is so sad. well off you go..."

loki in his high pitched tone was already bitching about ."what are you doing here thor?can i not have any peace ?!"

"ok...so you guys know each other?"

"you are coming with me,loki.it is unwise to be here."

"no!you are not to touch me...if i desire a free alcoholic beverage in the middle of the day,then i shall have it.!"

"whoawhoa...slow down ,snow white ...loki,is this your bf? he better be a bf,and not a hubby!"

loki has opened his mouth to tell his wooer just who or what the big oaf is ,but then the  time stopped and he registered something from within tony ,which could  be quite significant...was that a true concern in those chocolate dreamy eyes of his ? and then he did the same with thor...was there jealousy in those big blue ones ...while deviantly grining interanlly,the busty trickster concocted an idea ..with no real purpose,except for good old fun...he is desperately in the need of it ,since he is abstaining from the wicked humor for thus long. it was becoming unhealthy .

"no,tony ...he is...my superior...if you know what i am referring to?"

 

" he is your...oh! i me gets it!p.i.m.p! just like that 50 cent song."

"what? you speak in codes!"

 

now tony stood up and he was only half way to thor s head...not a pleasent or an anticipated course of an events ,since the blonde guy had a huge...coughs...but tony had a huge ego.so there! he can take this guy,no problem.......  
miss loki,was still sitting aside and was adjusting herself leasurely on that stool and preparing for the grand show. also he had a straw in his glass filled with the  whiskey liquid -he doesnt even have to bend to drink ..this will make his day...not matter what will the outcomes be...

"look,brokeback mountain...i think that the lady overe here wants to stay with me."  
"i do not know ,who you are little man,but i do not like you. the way you are watching loki gives a notion of your selfish fancies .and i do not approve of them the very least ."

weren t pimps suppose to like the interested customers?unless... this guy had a thing for the ice princess..and /or unless he was monkey ass crazy.

"look,i am paying .m key ?...coz if that is the problem.."

stark was now waving with a nice round 100,which ended in thor s hand.thor again appeared not to understand what is that thing which he is holding.

"that.is.the.money.capisce?cash, currency, dough, dibs, lucre,dough...you buy stuff with it,steroid barbie!"

"i do not have a claim for your pitiful papers,i am merely here to take loki with me!"

"no,you take that money,you moron!"  
loki ,of course jumped into the conversation.

"yeah, you heard her,take that money and leave ."

fortunately ,tony couldnt read loki s economically oriented mind.

a loud slam! and then the silence followed as thor slammed his fist:  
"loki is mine and i ll proceed as i deem to be right. "

he turned and snatched loki s uper arm , yanking her upwards ...loki squealed and moaned...even though it didnt hurt at all..but the drama..oh, the drama.yes,please.!

"do not touch my stuff ,gorilla or i will.."

  
tony was no gentleman,but he could not stand to be the witness of the harming of the girl or a woman ..ok...there are few occasions...khm khm..yeah...saving that for later...the mental distraction was to thor s advantage -that large hand was around millionaire s neck and he was lifted of the ground easily... as if he was a feather...

"thor,you are hurting him!it is not nice to attack midgardians !"

"yes,but,loki...!"

"javis..jarv...is...help..."  
even if it was a muffled,jarvis,via the bracelet ,which tony was wearing all the time, has heard that pussy cry...

within mere seconds something came flying in , through the front doors of the cafe...it was a metallic glove ..it wrapped itself onto hers creator s hand, and then a blast of the strong energy was fired at thor, who ended up at the other end of the place.

"haha...didnt see that coming now did you ..?!who s the man,who s the man? me!"

that kind of an insult was more than enough to awaken the warrior inside the asgardian ,who was already moving in a high speed .oh, and he had a whole table raised above his head.he was aiming for tony,of course. . those two were demolishing this fine place ,and while the other guests were screaming and running towards the exit,loki was in an awe...so tony was not only more intelligent than an average midgarian,and filthy loaded, but he was also a fighter of some sort...and now these two were in the,let us call it ,a conflict .and in the name of loki s honor...this was the first time that loki felt the pride and joy of being in this body...and this was,by far, the most sexual thing he has ever seen.

"ouch!that hurts!"

"aaaaa...my arm!"

however shall he ever choose?

 

 

 

 


	13. Sheep, Donut And A Vixen

 

 

it all went by rather well...tony ( he had to ) paid for the demolition of the irish cafe "happy luiggy" ...and while the weird couple had conveniently disappeared....just like that ...one could say they that went out in a smoke....like some with crazy voodoo magic and stuff...but hey ,there was a lot of smoke anyway, so ...  
even though , the other guy barely had a scratch,tony did ended up with some bruises...no biggy..except it hurts like a bitch.but ,he ain't gonna admit that...no way!

of course...he has received a bunch of an unnecessary calls from his ex-team...ex -coz tony was being deliberately and viciously excluded from more than one mission,with the explanation - well listen to this-that he is too old!well son of a bi...

it was like:  
pepper:"tony!what the hell is wrong with you!? fighting with some pimp over a hooker!? oh,i am so glad that i left you! you need some serious help!by the way, you have a meeting with that corporation's CEO on Monday.i ll send you the contracts via fax!you better read them by tomorrow !"

bruce:"gee...i don't know what to say (a deep sigh)...you know my motto - violence is not the answer...anyway ,if you need some stitching up, i can check on you later.just dont...pick up any more escort girls...and don't smash anymore stuff....oh...and don't move,at all!ok?"

clint:"i always thought you were an ass hole,but now...high five,dude!"

then there was a sound of something hitting something :"ouch!tasha ,why did you do that?"

widow:"because you are encouraging him ! if i see you doing the same thing...you should watch out and sleep with one eye open!and you stark-i am not surprised...what a jer...!"

tony was now having a reasonable headache and was deleting the messages...the beep sound was more enjoyable than hearing anymore preaching.

pepper again:"did you look at those contracts?!tony!answer me!i know you are listening to this!"

beep....deleted....

steve:"shame on you tony.it is immoral to.."  
beep...beep...beep...

pepper:"tony!i need those papers now!"  
BEEP!

the only call which was missing was, the one of fury s..well that can wait...

in general,had a relatively an ok day yesterday...finally, he got some real action-coughs...in the sense of taking a part in a violent struggle ,which involved the exchange of the physical blows and/or the usage of weapons.yay!he still got it!  
so ,beaten up and tired, he drifted soundly away in the dreamland...  
and it was a cutesy calming dream ,and an "original" one.yeah right ...sheep...stupid fluffy round ,smiling cotton candy-ish sheep...jumping over the fence...while snoring like a buzz saw,he begun to count them..

  
"one sheep..100 sheep,19 sheep ,46 sheep...er...2 sheep..."  
all the sheep were so cute,but then something happened and the next line of those "fuzzy clouds " were wearing fury s face...and he had that-" i ll kill you stark " expression on.

"1, not so fluffy fury...50 ugly furys ,20 mad as hell furys..."

the sheep/fury yelled:"get that ass up,stark!"

tony has awakened,all sweaty and shaking...wow ,what a nightmare...but, there were no fury sheep in reality...all was alright.he was safe and sound in his james bond bed and...well fuck...there really was fury,on that screen in front of him.

"you finally woke up!i have been yelling for the last two minutes!"  
"fuck,fury...what do you want?whatever it is, i didn't do it.plus it is almost noon,so i definitely didn't do it.coz i always sleep ,at least until 2 pm."

"you have done something yesterday.and i want your sorry ass,in my office -now!you have 15 minutes at most."

"yeah...sure..."

  
\----------------------------------

tony arrived after an hour.although fury s office was barely 10 minutes away from stark s tower, and one could easily arrive just by slowly walking ,however,tony had to brush his teeth,eat a donut ,drink a coffee...or was it a beer...who would know..decide will he wear the black t shirt with the iron maiden logo,the black t shirt with acdc logo or the black t-shirt with...the wholla lotta black and no logos.  
fury had the smoke coming out of his ears...tony said nothing and sat as farthest away from the director.the whole crew were there,and they weren't exactly happy,as well.

"stark,do you see this?"

the one eyed man reached into the box before him.

  
"this is a donut .and an old one.my wife packed it three days ago,but i forgot to eat it .see,people who are responsible and do their tasks ,have less time to eat and to do shit.if you,say one word,just one word or make the smallest sound,i ll stuff this shit down your thoroat.is that understood?"

 

 

of course,tony would say something cheesy,but bruce made a shhh sign with his finger over the mouth and shook his head.so tony merely nodded.

"now...regarding the yesterdays an events...it seems that the woman described as a cheap prostitute and her pimp,perhaps are not what or who they present themselves to be. and maybe they have something to do with the strange weather disorders that we have been witnessing lately...of course, our friend stark,over there ,had to get himself involved with something so messed up ,that goes all the way ...up and high... to the level 9."

phil gasped.natasha only appeared paler,but controlled herself and bruce fixed his glasses. steve was like a schoolboy who was struggling to remember how much is 2+2,and tony didn't know what the actually cookie fudge pudding is fury talking about.level 9?

"miss amora heart will tell you more."

then blonde vixen entered.

"good day ,avengers."

clint s eyes grew wide,wider...and tasha has quite discreetly elbowed him in the ribs ...

tony couldn't help himself.he is only human :"now that is a donut i would like to..."

"STARK!"

 

 

 

reality....

 

how tony sees it ...

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Should He Stay Or ...

the more loki avoided thor,the more thor wanted not to be ignored ...he was desperate for any response from the other side...anything! wrath,pouting,weeping...he would even be grateful if loki was to throw a non-living objects at him...dreaming of holding him/her close enough so that he might hear or feel his/her heart beat.. cuddling,kissing or... something more was ...unrealistic...for loki, obviously had his devotion directed to the short midgardian.how and what could that man afford loki ,and that thor was unable to ?first of all, he was short! secondly...he was an unclassy and not of the royal blood...  
thirdly-thor didn't get his jokes (but loki did )...and finally...er...that was it ,for now...thor only saw him once...alright ,so he has a certain richness...yes ,but thor was the future king of asgard..it was an incomparable...loki... he would gave loki the position of...what?and that is where the slimy looking midgardian was taking the lead ,in this game of love and war...

loki could not be anything but thor s an advisor ,for he and loki shared the same blood...thor had to calm his nerves,so he open the pop tart box...empty...oh that's right ,he has eaten it all already...he must have truly been beyond his reason ...he then ,had remembered where loki was locking his chocolates - actually hiding them from thor .they were meant to last for those "rainy" days ,but loki also forgot to use his seidr to protect the lock ..and thor s hand has found itself in there ..a pile of snickers..loki never allowed him to taste those strange sweets before ...thor s head turned to the left and the to the right...no loki in sight...so he swiftly, and with no to time waste ,stuffed the whole thing in his mouth..it was an impossibly worthy of the praise...now ,he only needs to realize that the envelope is not eatable.

....................................................

loki was very crossed with his brother ,but ... also very flattered and "gay" .the meaning here is joyful. X(  
he felt like a princess ...ok ,so maybe the word "gay " has multiple significances,when it comes to loki .. (shrugs) . :/  
he was being pampered ,admired...the two warriors,both beloved in their realms, have fought for him...it was an outlandishly and pleasantly , and quite a heroic deed,indeed ...he smirked and stretched on his bed...while he didn't considered himself to be an undeserving or dirty for having these thoughts about men...now as a woman ,he was conscious that he was now having the luxury of doing the things differently...no one could call him an "ergi" ! indeed,there were some minor complications along the way...there were some minor complications along any way wherever loki was/has been/will be...he had to use his magic to make them teleport from that place,...ergo- he has left his suitor ...the percentage of tony, declining him ,was unfortunately very high......  
and all because of that mindless brute ...urgh! he could just...just...kiss him?!well,yes...and an another smirk danced over his lips... he had thor on his knees ,begging him to come outside and pardon him for his asgardian ways ....now the smirk has faded and loki s thoughts have become darker... thor was his brother,..surely ,they could not commit an incest...or...what if he was not...not anymore ...if loki s DNA was changed...maybe his blood was too..so many questions shall remain unanswered.for now..loki would not be what he,in his essence is ,if he would care about finesses .his primal instincts were kicking in...to find a mate...that was an odd sensation...did the men of asgard had to go through that..or was it only him?...

he shall leave that for now. what is relevant presently ,was to explore thor s true emotions towards him ...if thor,indeed does love him...merely as a brother..then, he shan't bother him anymore,and ...he shall tell him to go away,to go back to Asgard...while he...in his... shameful state is to stay on Midgard and will try to ...either to return back to his normality, or to create a new existence for himself...and yes...with a man,nevertheless...but he is not an ergi!  
....loki has put some lip gloss on (as they say in the comercial-"you ll look hot and your man wont even know why") and combed his long messy hair ,also he has unbuttoned few upper buttons on his shirt...

..........................................................................

"yeeeeeeeeeees?do you have anything to say for yourself?"

 

loki simply stood there like god..dess,and gazed at thor who was still on the floor , like a mere peasant .and what a lovely sight it was.

"look,loki...i am so deeply sorry for attacking your...friend . i however, did sensed his ill intentions towards you,and i just had to protect you. you must percieve this as it is. i only wanted what is the best for you little ..brother."

"oh,please...i am capable of protecting myself,thank you very much! surely, you are aware of that!"

"yes,of course,but...?"

"but?"

thor was hesitating...how to form the next sentence? should he stay in his ...their comfort zone or should he risk it all and possibly and completely destroy the relation ,which he has with this divine creature before him.

"loki.the truth is...i love you.and i shall do whatever it is within my power to keep you guarded and...".  
loki has snobbishly eye rolled ,which caused thor to feel so small...

"you are repeating yourself,dear brother!you say, you love me...tell me then , how much?!"

"so much loki..only so much that i can not put it into words!"

only then loki sat on the floor,and now he has looking straight into the other pair of eyes...

"how much? I want the truth ,the whole truth...when you look at me,do you only see your younger ,shy brother or do you see.. someone who you would like to have by your side..?"

the female licked his lips as his intents were clear as a thor-less sunny day...  
the older man was now barely breathing as his eyes were slowly shutting down and he had begun to move slowly towards loki...loki narrowed his head...his motions were all feline-ish...but,his heart was beating like a drum ..norns, he is going to finally kiss thor...

 

it was only a tenth of a second before he was about to taste thor s lips,when ...

"prince thor...princess ...prince loki...um,your majesties...i hope that i was not interrupting anything important..."

a pause ,during which thor appeared to be shocked by his an eventual ,but still not made wrongs,and during which loki wanted to kill the gatekeeper ,with his bare hands for that.

"prince thor, you must return with me to asgard immediately!"

 

 


	15. Scorned Woman

his steps echoed through the giant hallways of the court...his nervousness was no lesser...maybe they were only attacked or something not as equally as awful......as the likelihood that they have found out abou him and loki! no,that was almost an impossible...almost......

the two figures stood in the front , in the middle of the hallway ,blocking his path...frigga was in silver gown and odin in his golden pants and tunic...it was an informal attire,and the sight of his parents did not bode well. it was not customary for them/those of the utmost status,in all the nine ,to stand like the statues in the hallway...if there was a joyful tone in the welcome of the odin s first born ,they would meet him in their private chambers ,embrace him,gifted him with everything he doesn't require,etc,etc...cheesy midgardian 50s family commercial might come to your mind...but if they were really substantially ..pissed they would probably be waiting the prodigal son in here.  
"mother ,father!i greet you warmly and bring you glad tidings from midgard.the young realm is still in peace and free from any kind of disturbance ..."

frigga ran to her son and grabbed him by his err shell, pulling it and twisting it,like he was a bad little boy ,who, after playing in the dirt,has left the muddy footprints all over on the new rug.

 

 

"mother!that hurts!"

thor did sounded like as bad little boy ,after all.

"and it should hurt!you bad,bad little boy!oh,i am so dissapointed in you! you were taught and raised better than that! "

(told ya)

odin was boringly calm as he always were ,regardlessly ,since his wife was preordained/has volunteered for the punishing segment ,he has took some liberty and resolved that being neutral,a narrator,in this case is ,on the long terms the most favorable an option.frigga shant hate him....nor shall thor.

"we have found out!there is no use of lying to us anymore,son".  
could his father sound even more apathetic?

"what?!...ouch..mother, please..not so hard!"

"what did you just said ?hard?like this?"

"no,mama!"  
"there are no other merits which are an adequate for your misbehaviour .you ...wicked boy...frigga ,do i really need to say that?"

"yes,for only a wicked boy would be hiding the fact the he was with loki all this time!"

"heimdall?!what has he said?"

"nothing more other than that you were bringing loki gold,so that he could remian somewhere, in some horrible village,and far away from us.why thor,why didnt you told us?"

was she about to cry again?one thing ,even the little big wicked boy ,such as thor, could not stand ,were his mothers tears.

"i...loki told me not to...he was ...aaaaaah!.....devastated when the rumors started and he only sought for a place to ease his weary mind...aaaaaa!! mother,i have told you,all with which i am familiar ,now please, release me!

"we were suspecting that you would say precisely something as transparent as that ...we all are aware that you can not lie,thor.now,do not test us,speak up!"

odina was getting irritated and more strigent,and even though they were bluffing,t...hor could not know that.anyway he was afraid of his dad.

"i...ur...?"

"thooooorr!"

but...his mother,would get the last word.thor was in a trap.

"loki is a girl!"

  
...............................................................................................

the feathers were falling around him and resembled the snowflakes...so much for that pillow...or anything else around here.never mind,thor shall cover for that damage...if he ever comes back,that is..  
this was one of the more unsightly episodes of loki s tantrums ,especially now ,when he was on his own again,and this time with less hope than ever...it was only logical that he should destroy the hotel s property...  
oh,woe is he then .in his low(est) point ,he has admished that stark has gave him his phone number,and ...well, his an excuse was that was being pretty vulnerable right now,and he needed someone .at least someone to talk to...

"yellou ?hot mess on da phone!"

"mm..hello,this is loki.i do believe that you probably do not wish to hear my voice,but ..i merely wanted to apologize for my brother s behavior the other day and.."

"loki!wait,what...that was your bro?! didn't you said that he was your..you know.."

"it was just a bit of fun,really.."

" fun! are you nuts? now that is an understatement .and they say i am gaga! i don't mean the radio or that lady with the ham dress...the point is that your fun has cost me 1 million bucks ,and only to repair the whole cafe.and they have had nice shwarma there,you know.?"  
"shwarma,in the Italian cafe,ran by an irish owner?"

"yeah.why?"

"oh,no matter.alright,i can clearly see that i am not forgiven,so I'll apologize again,and.."

"no-no-no! hold on evil queen of narnia.stop right there...can you tell me where are you?i...i would kinda like to see you again,sometimes ."

"you would ?after my dishonest activities and the way thor has managed to diminish your manhood ?why?"

yeah,every guy wants to hear that.  
"look...i wanna clear the whole mess up and...i miss you.kinda..."

loki bit his on his lower lip...they started out the wrong way,haven't they?tony had thought him to be the courtesan,and thor to be ...loki s pimp.fine,fine,so the last part was loki s blame,but, still...and thor had thought tony to be a horrible man-whore.was thor the only one intelligent enough around here?except,again, that he was not here...

"alright.i am at the hotel...this is the address.."  
.......................................................................

20-something minutes afterwards...someone knocked and loki,after, fixing his makeup and clothes ,and finishing the dinner for two(the one he and thor should have had ) , has finally answered.

the first person whom loki has seen was ,of course the billionaire .who was weirdly an emotionless and cold.and loki could tell that straight away..

"i am sorry , loki."

"for what?"

then tony moved aside and the shield operatives and specialists marched in ..

"tony,what is this?!"

tony said nothing,but then, loki s emerald eyes have met the grey ones of this very well known blonde woman..

after an initial shock,loki has gathered himself and observed vigilantly the men around him...the men with the guns ...which were -pointed at him... he has noticed their eyes :.all were dull and empty...like tony s.

"you have actually thought that you can just take away what is mine?well ,no one will steal the one i ,but, so desire and get away with it .you were always a slut loki ..laufeyson."

"laufeyson?"

 

 

 

 


	16. Clear Thoughts

 

 

loki gritted both his teeth and fists...his blasted existence was even more unfortunate than he could ever  imagine.he was...not only a not-asgardian but...a jotun nevertheless... a fem jotun!by the way,just to make things more dandy than they already were, he had had handcuffs on...and mind you,that whore did put a binding spell upon them,in case if loki tries something. even someone as meager in this field,the field of an enchantment like amora, had sensed that his powers were returning.

after some deeper recollection ,analyzation of the all possible aspects ,which his predicament was containing ,amora s capacities and her limited knowledge in the magic,currently weather prognosis,and the fact that he was constantly feeling hot,too hot..loki underlined his conclusion...she was not as powerful as he feared...no...far from it...  
by turning loki into a woman,she would not achieve as much,but....when a jotun,especially a fem jotun gets into the heat...her seidr gradually faints,that is... until she mates...loki knew that,amora did not. only...amora knew that loki was a jotun,he did not...

his cycle would not start ,is she did not broke the spell that made him still appear as an asgardian...plainly, this is such a vigorous and rare protective an illusion,and only one person does not need a permission to do it. and only one person could have done it...odin....why?..the war,of course....he had stolen loki from his people,and he had taken the casket...however,then... it was not for the war alone,it was also for  the peace...and loki was just a trophy..  
this was not the time or place for mourning over his fate...,again, his cycle was presently a mystery to his captors ...and he must act if he was not being affected by it. nor that he is broken,and repulsed by himself...however loki s judgement is superior to his emotions and his thoughts shall/must remain clear.  
thus,his unbecoming an attraction towards thor , tony,and some other men ,was only a product of this....shame...urgh...he wanted to cry...fucking emotional...he was so fucking emotional...like a girl...

.....................................................................

however ,he had to stay focused...amora made one mistake...the men who were interrogating him,a threat to this world.,as she called him.. were all...men...even though ,loki could tell that he saw few women working here too...and that just might be his way out.  
fury has walked into the interrogation room,this time with coffee in his hand ..their useless dialogues would went on for hours...he would be asking loki where does he come from ,who is thor,what is his evil plan,is he benevolent or malicious,etc,etc...loki would deny all of it.all the presumptions.but they were forcing the "truth" out of him...

  
after every session,amora,who was now,believe it or not, in charge of this pathetic organization ,would sent him into this pearly white sterile room...first time there,he was left without food or water ,the other time he was electrocuted...the time after that ,his head was being held under the water,...whatever he tells them was an insufficient,for her goal was to torture him,or maybe kill him,if she he does not go mad by then ...  
the law of the nine is this:,the warriors,guards of every realm,and shield had its place in this definition ,were the first to prosecute their prisoners...why would she wait for her own turn, when she can infiltrate herself amongst them?

  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"so,once more...you came from ..?"

the director could live up to his name,for he is most certainly not a person who should be named jolly .

"i have told you before...i am from around here. and i am the most boring person you shall ever meet."

"enough with the bullshit ! that is not what our new director thinks,and she is always,and i mean always right."

 

damn,that woman!he had repeat exactly what they have told him to say...

"fine...i am of asgard. the last time i was here ,was some millennia ago with my father and brother..that is what you wanted to hear,yes? .."

fury pursed his lips but he was satisfied with the answer.

  
" i have been here for what i believe ,4 days and 5 nights , director,yet i am astonished that you have let your position to an amateur.you are so much more clever than that,sir...i can prove you that amora is using you and your warriors for her own personal schemes..."

 

of course ,fury didn't said nothing.his manly brain could not fight with amora s charm spell .it was both classy ,yet vulgar.with an asgardian men ,it would take longer until they bend over to her will...but on Midgard...yes, one's will power is also in question,which means that,tony who is on the other side of the doors, has mostly understandably fallen in less than a second.eye roll.

"so what's your plan? destroying the earth?"

loki sighed and bowed his head...

"no!for the thousand time!no!why are you deliberately neglecting my arguments?!"

fury again,deliberately neglected his arguments.

"and what is with this beam ,and rain,and..."

"a rainbow?oh surely,i shall attack the Midgard with the rainbow.beware of the frightening colors!can't you see how ludicrous this is?i am nothing more but a poor girl,who was selling her body on the streets.mr stark can confirm this.all the rest is just...a jest. someone is trying to frame me."

"that is the worst lie i have ever heard."

"indeed it is!"-amora s voice came from the speakers..."she is still unprepared for any form of the cooperation!put her in the solitary for two days! with no food or water."

"yes,ma am!"

......................................................................................................

 

loki paced within this claustrophobic four white walls..the strong lights were maddening and/or  blinding him...he could not even sleep.and if he tried ,they would be playing loud music from the speakers... he was also, so thirsty...the only way to escape ,was to regain his powers, and to do this ...he must... well...mate.he has comforted himself, that it was not the worst fate,after all... he shall take any man ,whichever opens the doors first.it was not long before someone did....

 

  

 


	17. When In Rome

he had braced herself...alright,any man who walks in...any...oh, let it be stark...

 

 

 

  
nope...the two heads that peered in , were those of the two women..one was a cold redhead and the other ,a very uninteresting brunette...

"you...come with us -now!"

said agent hill.

loki only blinked ,but ,of course complied...agent Romanoff walked in front of them ,and would now and then stop,in case thatsomeone in one of the parallel halls ,might cause them any troubles...after a minute or so of passing within this labyrinth of corridors, un undesirable face popped out...

"where are you taking the prisoner?"

"oh,director...heart!we are only taking the suspect number..0000 to the torture room in the left wing."  
amora approached the brunette agent ...my ,my ...even here, she walked like a predator...a sexy perdator...loki internally smirked...if these women weren't interested in...women...her charms shall be useless.

"i did not authorized that."

Romanoff coughed:"dir...the former director fury was the one who has authorized this."

"well,i did not...i want loki here,where i can keep my eye on her.you two...return her to the solitary and then report to my office."

the agents exchanged glances and loki could feel ---actually has found himself somewhere outside time...as if he was watching all his in a slow motion...hill pulled out the gun,and aimed to the whore of Asgard,but ...hey ,amora stopped the bullet,just by reaching her hand ,and in the middle air ...and after blowing at it...only watched it fall...  
hill froze from the sight , but agent romanoff,was quite a character ,and as she swung her feet high ,ready to kick the blond imposter...amora ,again caught her leg and twisted it...,sending the shorter woman to the same place where to bullet was...now,the scenes were repeating themselves ...hill shooting ,romanoff kickin,jumping...amora yawning...

"that is enough!i have not more time for this childish games!you are unnerving me!"

before she could drain the youth from this two ,loki s hand has found itself before him...the surge of the electric aether traveled trough it and created a force field,a mirror of the sort...so ,whatever amora has sent towards them,it returned to her...the classical reaction of the person who has dedicated her whole life in being...beautiful...and to see her locks grey and hands wrinkled...well...she was screaming and swearing...a lot...and loudly...yikes...  
loki thad taken his chance and transported the three of them, outside the building.there was only one car with yet an another woman in the driving seat...

"drive potts ,drive!"  
.............................................................

the driver...viginia potts...strangely enough,a person from one of the photographs,which stark had in his apartment, took them to the only place where amora nor fury will not find them ...  
the beauty salon.

"really,pepper?"

maria didn't had much sense for a humor ...nor did romanoff...

"what?! you guys...first of all this hairstylist,Thranduil is...gorgeous...gay ,but gorgeous and very talented...besides, we need some rest...drinks are free..and on me..."

"ok,what about the part,where fury will not find us?"

"well,i can confirm that.he would be searching for us in stark s tower firstly ,in the next state,on the airports ,but.not.in...here."  
established the correctness ,the red-haired spy.

"alright,lets go."  
..............................................................  
after more than only few drinks, the group did loosen up .while they were beholding the hairstylist s figure,loki ,who was stiff as a gun, had his eyes upon them . he was a bit streaked. surely,this kind of an escape is normal only on midagrad.

"you are not a human,then?"

this was more of a statement then a question,and it came from Natasha,who narrowed her piercing eyes and stared at the asgardian-jotun.

the woman who was manicuring him didn't paid any attention to their conversation.plus, she didn't know english...

"no.as you may well assume by now,i am from an another realm..and i mean you mortals no harm. you can be rest assure ."

the ,brunette who shall be a blonde within half an hour...(loki s intuition would not fool him .this was maria s desire for years now ,not a necessity ,nor an intent for a false identity. she was to impress some man,even though she tried to convince the other two otherwise.) ...she,maria mimicked Natasha's icy posture and pushed herself into the chit chatting.

"so,you have an ability of teleporting? then ,why have you feigned your weakness and let us risk our asses for...nothing?"

"amora was informed of how to bind my powers.the runes on the handcuffs.."

"hm...i knew that she was not promoted without a reason..or a regular ...slut .all the men in shield have been compromised."

"exactly,agent romanoff.amora is from my world,and she has this devious an influence ,particularly over the male gender.and ...certain women."

"ha!i thought that !she was trying to seduce me."

 

"please ,viginia...she was trying to seduce me."

  
said maria.jealous obviously.

  
"i can confirm that."

  
tasha can confirm that.

  
"well she does not have much of a standards ,when it comes to the courtship ..."

the women appaered to be insulted ,and for a reason,so loki has reasonably concluded that he should be moving on with the topics.

"i...forgive me,for i have not expressed my gratitude for the sacrifice you have taken upon yourselves when you have decided to salvage me from that cell.i owe you all."  
"we thought that you were only a "lady in distress".an ordinary plain jane ,and that amora has had some personal issues with you.it would not be the first time that things like that have happened.but not to this an extent."

"yeah,you remember, how Phil ignored steve ,after it turned up ,that steve is afraid of homosexuals.."

that was pepper.

"hahaha,no,only of phil!hahahahaha!"

and that was maria. they were drinking heavily...and now ,all their qualifications and skills resembled to the ones of ...an adolescents...only romanova drank with some wairness ..

loki dimissed the slave girl of an unknown origin, who was about to dye his hair pink and cleared his throat:  
"you do not seem overly stressed out by the matter ,that i am from another dimension."  
the one who was offended now was -loki.he has valued himself high above this petty midgardains,and they were the ones ,who were depreciating him and his worth...and after he had exposed his beautiful and an astounding seidr...well...the smaller part of it,but still ...loki .was.now.severely .pouting!

"oh,honey,we have seen so much ..for instance...my boyfriend ,tony stark..aka iron man , is working for shield, on and off, for 2 years .and these two ...for over 10 years...shhh,don't ask them about their age...."

the bubbly liquid in the glass of miss potts ,was not an excuse to be acting like a ninny...however ,the an additional small bottle, which she was hiding in her purse ,just might be...

"over 10 years,ladies? i am impressed. and what about your personal lives?friends ,family?"

they all went quiet,except for pepper again.the resolution which loki has taken , did not involve him mentioning anything about that time with tony...

"my boyfriend...my ex-boyfriend....tony stark. i think that you have seen him...maybe..."

  
"um...yes....i think i have."

  
"we have dated for 5...yes,5 horrible,long...draining years...i have given him the best of myself and he...he...he is a lazy ,selfish son of a..!"

Natasha was very pleased with her new large curls and was ready to pay some attention to the other partners in crime:"do you miss him?"

 

"no,of course not...i mean...i... he is great in bed,but a lousy ,shitty boyfriend in everything else! no marriage ,he said."

"hmmm.."

Tasha muttered something..of course ,she didn't believe pepper,but there was something else in her tone...

"hey,you and clint...is everything ok with you guys?"

"there are some evidences which are proving that ...clint is married!he has a wife on some farm! "  
pepper:"what!?"

maria:"no!"

"if it is true,i ll break his bones!"

hill was silent again.  
"you are silent again,hill."

"it is nothing...i was shocked with what you just said."

why was the former russian always so perceptive about everything?

"oh ,you have someone!"

and so was virginia.when drunk.loki took a sip of that bubbly liquid. when in rome,they say...

 

"tell us!is it steve?"

"no!leave it!"

"common,please,please,please..you know all there is to know about tasha and me!and we will not tell anyone!"

"ok,fine!but promise me not to laugh!alright?!"

"ok."

"...i...uh...furry."

"WHAT!?"

(perhaps,the cell was was not as bad... loki could do merely one thing,and one thing alone.faceplam.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry u guys.i wanted some real girl power here...and some "girls wanna have fun " moment.and i totally think that maria likes fury hehehehe


	18. Field Trip

 

"I feel pretty  
Oh so pretty  
I feel pretty and witty and bright  
And I pity  
Any girl who isn't me today  
I feel charming  
Oh so charming  
It's alarming how charming I feel  
And so pretty  
That I hardly can believe I'm real  
See the pretty girl in that mirror there?  
Who can that attractive girl be?  
Such a pretty face  
Such a pretty dress  
Such a pretty smile  
Such a pretty me!"

 

a combination of humming and singing would have followed after a good day.and Thranduil loved to sing...to train his deep baritone.and when he felt like it,he would put on some ricky martin and shake that thing.he and thorin were doing great. thorin was a jewelry store owner and ...well thranduil was proudly wearing that large shiny ring. yes,thorin has finally popped the question.and the stylish hairstylist could care less that his client was on the edge of tears.poor tauriel was divorcing from kili. he left her for an even taller girl.

  
"now ,now...it could be worse ."

  
"worse ,how?"

"he could have left you for a man."

her mouth went wide and eyes shut...and she produced a loud animalistic noise ...so,while she cried her heart out, he had grasped the opportunity and dyed her long fiery hair into a warm brownish tone ,and cut it to the shoulder lenght

"what have you done?!"  
it did took her some time to see the change in her appearance.the tears were not helping,though.  
.  
"there is no need to lie to oneself,dear tauriel.we all saw those dark roots. you are not a natural red head,at all .this way ,you are sending a message that you are free to let go of your past and ready to ...."

"move on?"

"well,yes..but i was about to say...wash your hair."

she knew not why ,but whatever her stylist would have said ...it was something she would always accept as an order.he was very authoritative.

"i..thank you."

she said faintly,but she hated this new style.

  
"there is nothing to it. if you see kili ...kill him.i mean, your new look will surely kill him."

  
he has astounded even his own self, of how brilliantly clever he sometimes was .but that was only naturally.

soon after she left,a number of black cars have pull over...a very expensive cars,indeed, with the tinted windows..."smirkwood saloon" was posh and had a nice reputation,but this...

a nasty looking woman,in the company of the shady looking guys has stormed in .  
she shoved some photographs into his hand."those four women.were they here earlier?"

(yes.)

"no.i have not seen anyone even remotely resembling to them."

oh,please bitch. he always protected his clients.and the vip clients would always,and i mean always get into trouble.

"i am positive that they were in here!i can smell them all over this appearance shifting room ."

she said.no one ever called his saloon -a shifting room.it was quite an insulting ,really.

the hairstylist with the bleached hair ,had raised his brow.it was his trademark,after all.he would look confounded, yet this was a sign of a pondering of how to squeeze some more money from the customers .and that is why he did the larger job on tauriel.  
"i am sorry,but they were not in here. however ,if they do arrive..and if you are willng to wait,i would be more than glad to ...freshen up that (awful icky gray) lovely colors and trim the ends...just a bit."

 

amora was in the process of regaining her natural beauty ,but it shall take some hours before the agonizing treatment is complete . now ,she does not seem to be 80,but 70...still,impatient as she is...getting a new color would be excellent! just what she craves for .those wentches can wait.

"excellent!"

and thranduil just got a new satisfied customer.  
...........................................

 

"so ,now where to ?"

"stark s malibu house."

"they will look for us there!"

"i hope not.jarvis is not crazy as his inventor.... and my ex! jarvis will cover up our tracks..besides...i still have some stuff over there,and tony still has some credit cards,which are just dying to be used.they are on his name,and i know his code.since he is not in the state to remember that he has them...i see no problem with borrowing them."

miss virginia potts was an overly enthusiastic,or some might say vindictive.surprisingly,the other two shield maidens did not object too much. a mutual understanding perhaps?

"what could possibly go wrong?"

loki asked,but creating a new tension was not beneficial to anyone,so he leaned back and shut up,and decided to try and relax his mind.he must retrieve his strength and possibly his seidr...he has accomplished much ,so there was yet hope...  
but hold on...Look, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's... no,it s superma...naaaaah,it is iron man.

 

  
tony was about six feet above the ground , in his famous suit.

"pull over or i will shoot!"

pepper was not stopping though.

  
"i know what you are doing and where you are heading and you are not getting there.you are forgetting that i can punish jarvish when he is misbehaving.oh,yeah, i have blocked my credit cards,pep."

she opened the window:"fuck you tony!who has a gun,i want it!"

"no,we will do it..."

  
tasha and maria ,each on the one side of the car were doing their thing,the sounds of shooting have started again,miss potts was speeding up,not slowing down nor stopping for that matter...and loki has found an interest in examining the traveler s guide to the niagara falls.

  
"hm...fascinating."

  
"ok,dont say i didnt  i warn you."

tony fired,and pepper barely avoided the impact by turning the vehicle aggressively to the left ,so tony charged once more... but ,then something hit him and has sent the billionaire flying in the opposite direction...then that an unfamiliar object has returned , like a boomerang ,and into the hands of it s owner.the object was not unfamiliar at all.nor was her owner.

  
"thor?"


	19. Kick Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am kinda down ,you guys,so this is short and it sucks.but i thank u so much for reading.

no one is going to humiliate and kick ass of one tony fucking edward stark..especially not an ugly hillbilly in his mother drapes...an ugly hillbilly who is capable of flying,though..like him..and with no suit...well fuck...tony was not sure,like most of the times about many things ,but right now,he was not sure why was he attacking this guy...and why was he disputing with pepper.oh,well...

"jarvis,rocket!"

"that would be unwise sir.i do believe that the punch ,which you have just received, was somewhat justified due to the.."

"you wanna sing YAMCA for another 10 yrs, jar? or "my heart will go on?"!  
"no sir,not celine dion!"

"i ll give you backstreet boys if you dont do what i just said!"  
"oh,if you insist sir."  
the energy was up again and tony launched a small rocket, which was untlil then (un)safely stored under his forearm ..it went straight to the aesir.

thor tried to smash it/break it/destroy it,the baseball style ..but the blast has threw him onto the nearest tree...so he was kinda swinging there like a spider monkey or something...

the agents ,the business woman and the princ/ess stopped the bloody car ...now when it was mostly perilous ,of course.yeah,why should they escape now ,when they have the chance? women...sheesh....either way...they shall gather their female powers ,and thus united , stand up against the chauvinistic prick....er...tony.let us not be also inclined to think...accusingly.

the phallus shaped object... mjolnir!...forget the phall...the first thing... moved more swiftly than thor would,since he was on the tree and all,and went for his an opponent ...bawoosh...tony had evaded an another hit. good for him..he even had a recorded an applauding track in his helmet for such cases....plus maria and Natasha were now stupidly shooting...soon they will have no more bullets...the suit had a container with a net...which landed on them,quite ungracefully ...the shooting has ended.the swearing has begun ...

  
..pepper was always so punctual , pragmatic and organized ...so she tried to find some scissors to set thmaria nad natasha free..she had scissors in her car.who has scissors? loki meditated for a good a minute or so while focusing on creating an energy ball .when,at last, he succeeded in what he has set his mind on ,and was about to send it together and with the mjlonir,an another interruption has occurred.. ...the shield agents have arrived...(one could almost hear the darth vader theme song) .so he,instead of aiming for his former suitor ,has blasted one of their cars..  
the agents,fury and clint,who were included , have scattered around,pulling out their weapons...  
the whole comotion would have ceased only once ,when they were all dead,when the bifrost has opened and...behold ,there was odin,in the flesh!his beard shiny,his helmet shiny,his gungnir shiny,his horse...well,no horse this time.he would actually be walking .  
.  
all were in an awe with the scene...odin murmerd something and blasted all the rest of the shield cars.. then the proud king has intercepted tony s laser beam with his own laser beam and ...what?---that is right,dear readers...he -hit him.and this time tony aint gonna be going up high ,so soon.no way.he went down,down down...

 

"there is but one way you can save your men!"

odin yelled to the women.

"cognitive recalibration!"  
"what?!"  
asked maria.

"we need to hit the men on the head...hard!"

"really?! ill do tony!"

answered pepper to the question that was never queried anyway ,and dissapeared in the flash .  
thor was about to do the same with his mighty mighty hammer,but loki s hand appeared on his shoulder :"no,bro...thor...you shall crash their small heads...and brains...leave them be."

he did feel pity for the humans,since he has learn so much about them,from them..and about his new self.

"oh,alright loki.but they have rightfully earned to have their heads smashed because of the manner in which they have been treating you."

"i know.thank you.but,please do not..."

loki was more quiet than usual.he was not throwing any non-celestial sarcasms nor was he terribly glad to see thor again.was it because thor was absent for thus long? on the other hand, loki was uncertain of how much the old man has told his golden son. either of them did not speak too much...they merely relished in the sight before them .. widow doing some super gymnastics and slamming everyone on her way...pep s fist connecting with tony face..

"this is for your drinking!this is for your sluts! and this...this is for the credits cards!"

tasha grabbed clint and dragged him behind the car .will that man walk ever again?

 

 

maria struck fury with her pistol .she was smilling all the way.loki bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing .her secret was out.however,they just might be the next lucky couple...

but,where was amora?


	20. Back Again

a turn on the left,a turn on the right...voila!her hair was bright and splendid anew...and she has de-aged, at last.once more a beauty.and a greater one than her competition,her half sister lorelei. ha!as if she could match amora .that an inexpensive courtesan.she was even volunteering in the court s harem,for norns sake. but then again,these two siblings didn't have any role models they could look up to. their parents were exceedingly um...liberal.  
their father has had a countless "acquaintances"...and their mother has done the same, out of spite,of course . lorelei's real father could have been anyone.then again,amora s father could be anyone as well...and that skirt pursuer, fandral ,was their first cousin. so enough said about their classy family.thus,the misunderstood amora has sought love...or money as a substitute for love.and from -anyone.but the realization that she has to love herself first has struck her and has alternated her whole world upside down .that is how she has become-a bitch.lorelei has followed her sisters lead . .men come and go...but they decide who and when.

...................................................................................

there were 40 something of them and only five cars remaining...a quick solution-calling a cab.  
so, there was odin ,the all-father of the nine realms and the billions of souls beneath him ,along with fury and maria hill ,in one of those small,smelly metal carriages...and there were loki,thor,and clint in an another.tasha and pepper were driving with the unlucky tony.and that was a drive he would remember and will not treasure for an eternity...clint has already felt the iron fist of his girlfriend.

odin growled and said something on old norse...

"can you drive faster?"

asked fury,who was accustomed to those BAMF shield cars made in germany .and maria an accidentally has snuggled herself closer to her boss.

"agent hill.are you hurt.or falling unconscious?"  
she straightened herself immediately .:"um no,sorry sir."

how can he not see...well alright,he has the other eye,right...that she is lookin goooooooood,and for him.oh,she has done it all..obeyed all his orders,listened to his incredibly boring speeches ,took a bullet for him...and he still doesn't gets it?!

"directory furry...sir ,have you noticed anything different about me?"  
she was ,indeed playing with those blonde locks,like the bimbos in the chessiest shampoo commercial.

fury narrowed his head and that eye.  
"yeah!where is your gun?"  
odin growled again...  
.........................................................

in the other taxi,the driver ,who was from a third world country ,was eyeing clint...man,this guy was probably beaten up by a gang or something.he was a mess...and clint was in coma,all the way...how on earth did tasha get the idea about him being married? and what is this with agent hill?director fury is the one who is married.and she doesn't know that?

loki s gaze was glued to the window and the sight beyond,and thor s was on him.

"loki,can you forgive me for...?"

"a delay?it is forgiven.i understand perfectly ."

"then, why are you avoiding me?as if ,my very presence gives you a discomfort."

"how can you ask this,you blundering moron ,when i am certain that you have been introduced into something which considers me in all the aspects od my foul being and what is thus shameful."

"are you having that midgardian sickness again?if so...i have brought some choco..."  
"enough! i am not having that sickness,you brainless head,you! let me put this as common as possible.i know that you know!there!"  
"know?know what?"

"that!"

"that?"

"indeed,that!"  
"i am not entirely sure what is "that" suppose to be?"

"oh,play me not for a fool,for i am not!"

"that is Shakespeare!i read Shakespeare!"

and that was the cab driver.

thor could not recall was Shakespeare something meant for eating or ...?but ,whatever it was,it was popular.

loki puffed...

"thor,let us not play games...for you should,by now ,be aware that i am... blue."

"blue?aaawwwww...no...no crying in my car. here handkerchiefs ,there...you big guy give her handkerchiefs.."  
thor has found them and gave them to loki...and loki was really crying now...either thor didn't know and he has just directed his attention to the burden of his origin and en eternal shame ...or thor was pretending for some reason...either way..he was so alone right now,in this carriage with the three sweaty men...

"loki ,are you alright..."

"no!as you can obviously see,i am clearly not! i am in the depths ofthe hate towards all the nine...and that includes you...however...if it would not be that much of a trouble ...could you...could you hold me for a while.?"  
he was waiting for his non-brother to say something...thor of course did not,his actions have...he grabbed his loki,placed her on his lap. and held her like that..like a priceless found.

"no,no!no making up in the taxi...taxi rules.you- girl ,down...nice motel 20 kms in front. making out there."

.................................................

fury s gun and gungnir were the first things (yes things,material stuff,not persons) which came thru the doors of the beauty saloon...then the rest of the colorful crew accompanied them ...

"lady amora of asgard!you are under arrest for false pretenses ,kidnapping,causing physical injuries,seducing my agents..."

amora merely turned to the thranduil,completely ignoring fury....

"you have done a marvelous job,slave...i shall return.."

thranduil raised his big furry brow-"damn ,he was good...she came as an old hag,and now...if he was not gay...mmm-mmm-mmm."  
"very well,midgardian guards...since you have broken my spell...what is a poor girl to do ,but to surrender...but i shall answer only to the high court of asgard .and i am tired of your tedious little realm.you are so easy to distract. i do need a challenge in a man."

she winked at thor,but odin stood before him.

"no more of that ,amora...you shall spent ,at least a whole century among servants. cleaning the dishes and floors..."

"what!?"

"that is right! you shall be send to the training for the lowest cleaning household ...no men or fancy clothes shall be allowed."

"but,but my hands shall get all hard and...i beg of you all-father...if you must send me there ,to that horrid place,give me but one man ...one...and at least two dresses for the keeping."

"i could be of some help.."  
tony raised his hand but pepper did the congitive recalibration again .and he went down...again.

"no,no men...and ,it is ,i believe ,quite unecessary to tell you ,that you can forget all about marrying any of my sons."

"ugh!if it is so,then ,apologies,but there is one last thing i have to do."  
she ,then spoke the chant which she has already used on loki,but this time ,she spoke it backwards and the raven haired prince has felt that his entire body has begun to change...

"father! do something!"

was thor s cry ,yet in vain.  
the all-father was being occupied by the convenient odin-sleep.

 

 

 


	21. Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear ,dear all of you!i hope that u liked the story...it was twisted ,fluffy...this and that.but this is mostly it. i apologize for the grammar...my computer is,as you well know-half dead,so...that picture is mine...please comment it.i don't like it...plus the only light for drawing which i had ,was the one in the other room.if it sucks that much,i will change it.plus wtf is with thor s head ..ugh!if u have ideas for other stories,speak you mind.you never know...or read some of my previous ones.luv u.and thank you  
> ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

the aftermath ,the aftermath ...what is one to say about the aftemath...not much...or perhaps many...  
so...things have came to their an authentic place.well some of them.loki was no more a lost girl,but a second prince of asgard .persently both , a man and a prince,so there were no more obstacles for him to come home,as thor would imply over and over again...the dreads and/ or shame which were previously upon him,were now in the background of his mind.for odin had forbade all and every to even whisper anything about his son once having breasts.as the story goes ,loki was on one of his self-searching trips,where he was improving his seidr.amora has changed him back for more personal/sinister motives...there was no place for mercy or an altruism.nope.she had to separate thor from loki .what would they be called if they were a couple-thorki!norns,no!if she has to suffer ,so shall they...also, she was counting on the lighter penalty ...thus she must sweep the floors...over and over again...for a 100 years.not much in the world of an aesir,but still...yuck!

and was prohibited from any sexual act,which was distressing and frustrating as it is!.not to mention ,that her sister would always walk down the hallway,where amora was scrubbing ,and every day with an another man under her arm. Lorelai would merely laughed at this pitiful sight.

as it turns out,the rumors that clint was married were false,or better yet wrongly interpreted .they were about fury.maria didn't take it lightly and resolved to pursue her career elsewhere . and with that fake blonde hair ,the doors of the entertainment industry were widely open. however,no one said that her career would go hand in hand with quality.

  
you can see how her career is going here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mJAsgIIfNM&spfreload=10             or just type on youtube this-Robin Sparkles "Let's Go to the Mall" (full version)

  
odin was still sleeping,though.and as a king,no one dared to poke him while at it...  
and thor ,who should be glad that his little brother was finally home and safe,strangely, decided to take long rides with his mates...he would only do so ,when he was stressed out. logicall,now ,all eyes were on sif,a possible future queen of asgard ...but those were an informal suggestions...and loki did ,what he does the best...he wept when no one was around,and he would suck on his thumb...  
he didnt know who or what he is anymore...a monster,a freak? a man or a woman...one day you have male productive organs and strong-willed persona ...you are not necessarily confident,but still...and the other day, you have a body of an another ,and the emotional state that goes with it...all those rapid mood changes...no wonder why you are confused...however ,now ,when he should be pleased and stabile ,he was in even worse shape then when he has discovered that he has to pee while sitting.

"what am i ?what is my purpose?!"

"oh,loki,calm down,son!"

frigga would always entered his private chambers unannounced.that is what mothers do...spy on their children.but frigga was not his mommy..and he whined some more coz of the thought.

 

"now,now...there,there all shall be well my loki. tell me what is the matter?"

"what is the matter?you tell me!tell me!I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?"  
"no,loki.that would be the boogie man."  
"oh,quite.but,how come i am an offspring of the all-father s most ferocious enemy?"

"oh.you know how it goes...when a man loves a woman,they ..."

"mam...you!you know what i mean!"

"oh,call me mama!for i am your mama,after all. who was changing you dirty diapers,ha?not your father. oh ,no,he pulls out that fake sleep whenever i ask something of him.i do hope that you have not been trying to find out how that,mating stuff looks like-in practice,loki!"

she was scolding him,as a mom would..and loki only shook his head obediently.and frigga seemed glad that he is still -" a maiden."loki internally eye rolled to that.

"...after the war with jotunheim,king laufey and your father were drinking together and laufey confided to odin.he said, that he already has 200 children and now, he doesn't know what to do with his youngest one."

"me?"

"you ,my little sweet baby loki.he said that his child is a beautiful fem jotun and that he would like for her to have a nice future.a better than the one which he could provide for her back in the snowy land.so odin has suggested that you come here..and maybe, one day marry some nobleman .that way the alliance will last longer and everyone will be happy."  
loki stared at her with his mouth open wide .was she insane-"aaaaaaaa!not only that i am a trophy and a spoil of war,but i am also un unwanted child of those smurfs!"

"smurfs?"

"a blue midgardian miniature beings with the large feet."

"but you don't have large feet."

"that is not the point!and..and...you are telling me that i am a ...woman?!by nature!?"

frigga shrugged ,which made him even more agitated and restless ...

"it is not all so bad to be a girl.besides ,you always liked to dress up in the latest fashion and in the dresses and to braid your lovely hair."

"no...i am a man.a brave ,strong man...and...and...just..."

he started crying again ,for his mommy was telling the truth...loki liked to be a bit feminine,but this was all to much for him to bear .yet frigga was here to take some of his burden away..she wrapped her arms around him..

".it is ok,it is ok.do you want to play hair braiding again ,perhaps it shall soothe you ?"  
"uhm...ok..."  
"mama."  
"ok,mama."  
.............................................  
his nocturnal long hair was dancing on the fresh spring breeze,as he watched the cosmos from his window.he didn't even saw when thor crept in. his older non-brother was caught in the sight. loki was so beautiful...he wanted to reach out to him and kiss him passionately ...but loki was now " he " again...yes,thor has heard all about the jotun- tale.at first ,he was angry for the way in which laufey has abandoned loki,then he was angry that they treated loki like some sort of a merchandise, then..he re-considered the situation and concluded that he is actually very glad to have his loki here,regardless the time and the process which they all had to go through .but he was never angry at loki...  
actually,nothing seemed to stop him now from proposing to loki .besides loki ...if we do not count-his parents,the whole realm...also maybe some other realms...naaaaaah...not important.

"thor. i did not see you there.i guess,that, by now you do know all about my heritage,yes?"

"yes.i do."

"so ,what now...shall you slay me,chase me away...mock my mystery?"

"no,none of that,"

"than .. pray tell ,what do you want?"

"i want to propose you."

"it is not funny."  
"no,it is not.i am very serious ,to the core of my being . you are wise enough to be aware of my feelings towards you and they shall not change,no matter what form or skin color you are wearing .by all that is holy in Valhalla..i love you Loki.and if you feel ,even partially the same..please -accept my offer .say yes."

his object of desire stood there,as he had stood back on midgard,and had let thor sweat some more sweat.

"thor ,you total geet ...i am absolutely appalled by your brainless decision to go against your people and ask a mere jotun to marry you."

"um...does that mean that you will marry me?"

"you are such a dimwit . of course i shall!"  
before loki had a time to even blink ,thor ran to his embrace ,almost breaking the slimer man s bones and has started to kiss him all over the place ...loki pretended to be all virtues and shy at first , but it did not took long before he himself was ravaging his beloved's mouth.

then thor ceased their playful foreplay.loki suspected that thor has been having second thoughts about their union...he should better not have them,or else...

"not that i mind...but ,are you a man...um,down there..?"

"at the moment.however,jotuns can shift free willingly,you are aware of that,hmmm? .would you like me to...shift...down there,for you?"

"no,loki. not right now."

 

 

                                                                               

 

 


End file.
